963 upvotes, 65 direct replies (showing 25)
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Comment by xcassets at 09/01/2025 at 14:31 UTC
1224 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Tbh, that's just a get out of jail card that bullies learn as they grow up and realise their comments don't get positive attention anymore.
Comment by GoBanana42 at 09/01/2025 at 14:41 UTC
199 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Thats not a dark sense of humor. It's just cruel. It's also not the types of jokes I'd be comfortable raising a young child around. They don't understand sarcasm or (actual) dark humor, and making jokes at other's expense is setting the track for what is acceptable behavior and how to see themselves and the world.
If he doesn't see how that is a problem, family counseling is a must.
Comment by geniusintx at 09/01/2025 at 14:54 UTC
168 upvotes, 4 direct replies
Girl, I have a DARK sense of humor, keeps me sane with multiple health issues/stress, and THAT was NOT dark humor!
I’m 51 and have been perfecting that since I was 12. What he said was downright rude and out of hand. Especially since you, too, wear braces. What was he thinking?!
I’m not jumping on the “abusive” bandwagon as people say stupid things without thinking. I AM jumping on the “total dick” bandwagon, because he had time to think about what he said and didn’t apologize!
Way to stand up for your LO. Would he rather have her NOT wear the brace and NOT have the problem fixed?!
Keep it up, Mama Bear!
Comment by IggySorcha at 09/01/2025 at 14:42 UTC
274 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I have a hella dark sense of humor and that is not what a dark sense of humor means.
OP, my parents refused to put me in a brace for my scoliosis as a kid because they thought I would stand out and be bullied for it (which told me *they* would have bullied me for it as kids). They avoided a lot of medical issues (paid attention to the ones that you couldn't ignore, but that's it) because they didn't want me to be *that* sick kid. But they did put my teeth in braces for years to make sure I had pretty teeth.
Bracing as recommended by the doctor is important and can mess you up if you avoid, as you know. I'm glad he's not avoiding, but I agree with you it sends a message that he doesn't think a person can be beautiful if wearing any-- which even if he doesn't really mean it, hurts.
And he's not wrong that braces aren't always aesthetically pleasing. I wear corsets instead of back braces now partially for that reason (also they're cheaper/more comfortable). But the key is that the braces themselves are not pleasing-- they don't impact the person and whether they look beautiful or not. The most beautiful person in the world is still going to be beautiful wearing a burlap sack, after all.
Giving him the most grace, it might have been a thoughtless thing he said and now he's embarrassed he said it and was called on it. But he does need to understand that's not a thing to say again, especially once your daughter is old enough to start even slightly understanding what he says.
Comment by Polarchuck at 09/01/2025 at 16:15 UTC
60 upvotes, 1 direct replies
“I have ~~a dark~~ an ableist sense of humour, not everyone will get it”.
Comment by CD274 at 09/01/2025 at 14:25 UTC
151 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Typical narcissist/abusive replies to shut down criticism. Go Google a list and you will find a shocking amount of similar things he says on them, I guarantee. These people seem to use the same playbook
Comment by KuraiTsuki at 09/01/2025 at 14:45 UTC
80 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I have a dark sense of humor. Dark jokes still have punchlines. Where is the punchline in "my daughter is ugly" because I'm not seeing one.
Comment by superpony123 at 09/01/2025 at 15:33 UTC
23 upvotes, 0 direct replies
no. girl. no. I am a nurse. I have a dark sense of humor. But this is NOT a dark sense of humor - it's just being a total asshole. Your husband is a jerk and does not respect you at all.
Comment by aluckybrokenleg at 09/01/2025 at 16:32 UTC
18 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I have told some jokes that I thought would land but just offended people, and my immediate thought was "Oh, I better not tell these type of jokes to these people *because they don't find it funny*."
Only a psychopath/asshole tells jokes he *knows* other people won't enjoy, just for their own pleasure of upsetting them.
I think of jokes ALL THE TIME that I just don't *say*.
Comment by hardpassyo at 09/01/2025 at 14:24 UTC
81 upvotes, 0 direct replies
He's genuinely not right in the head. Please be hyper aware of how he treats you and this baby. I dont trust him.
Comment by rustymontenegro at 09/01/2025 at 17:10 UTC
17 upvotes, 0 direct replies
No, dude. I have a dark sense of humor and I moderate it for the "room" I'm in. What he said wasn't funny. It wasn't even objectively a "joke", it was an observation, and a stupid one. It was him letting his true feelings slip and you called him out on it and he's downplaying it and invalidating your feelings. If not everyone "gets it", he needs to shut up and keep it to himself. That's like telling a dead baby joke in a support group for miscarriages. Ffs.
My partner and I make awful jokes to each other, in complete private, because we absolutely understand that some of the things we say to each other are wildly inappropriate and the trick is - we *both* know it's a joke. Neither of us ever have to clarify that, because we understand that our core personalities are not malicious.
He would *never* say what your husband did about his own children. He called them assholes or gross/smelly (to me only, privately) when they were teenagers and being smelly gross assholes, but anyone who deals with teenagers knows it can be very true.
Shit, I was born pigeon toed and my mom had to do all the physical exercises with me, and my dad, a card carrying member of the "selfish asshole dickhead" club *NEVER* said anything negative about it.
Comment by acanthostegaaa at 09/01/2025 at 16:01 UTC
13 upvotes, 0 direct replies
He's a cruel piece of shit and is used to being able to brush it off with that code phrase.
Comment by FartAttack911 at 09/01/2025 at 15:29 UTC
9 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Nah. Many of us have dark senses of humor with a healthy dose of self awareness and empathy for others. Your husband is not that. He is willfully harmful and an arrogant asshole, it seems.
Comment by Aphor1st at 09/01/2025 at 16:05 UTC
10 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I have a very dark sense of humor. I can still explain my jokes and they are never at the expense of people around me.
Comment by imasitegazer at 09/01/2025 at 17:45 UTC
9 upvotes, 0 direct replies
He DARVO’d you: he Denied any wrongdoing, Reversed the Victim into the Offender.
Comment by AffectionateTitle at 09/01/2025 at 15:09 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Tell him if he can either change his humor or find a wife who gets it! He doesn’t get to have a sense of humor that hurts everyone else just because he wants to—that’s called being an asshole not being funny.
Comment by Scp-1404 at 09/01/2025 at 16:56 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
"That's too bad because you sound like an asshole."
Comment by Seltzer-Slut at 09/01/2025 at 17:15 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
He’s a PARENT. It doesn’t matter what he thinks or feels when it relates to his daughter, he is supposed to put his child’s thoughts and feelings first, all the time!
Comment by RunnerGirlT at 09/01/2025 at 17:58 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I have a morbid and dark sense of humor, my husband does as well. However, we know when and where it is appropriate to have that side of our humor show. Part of being an adult is Knowing your crowd, and knowing the most effective ways to communicate with them. Also, if you mess up because we all do sometimes you just need to apologize and work to mend that you don’t get defensive
Comment by Easy-Concentrate2636 at 09/01/2025 at 16:52 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Or he enjoys making people feel bad? Perhaps he indulges his dark side and think feeling his bad side come out is a dark joke when the two are not the same.
Good on you for calling this out. It’s wrong of him to call your daughter ugly. I am glad you are working to stop that before he can damage her self esteem. Also, as you said, he needs to account for what he thinks of you in your brace.
Comment by tbarlow13 at 09/01/2025 at 16:57 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
So he knows his problem won't do anything to change it.
Comment by Stell456 at 09/01/2025 at 17:16 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
But he still hurt your feelings. Why isn't that alone worth apologizing for?
Comment by cori-iyupa at 09/01/2025 at 17:25 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
That is not a “dark sense of humor,” that’s being bully. I work for a nonprofit that exclusively works with folks with disabilities, who all have a pretty great sense of humor about life. None of them would think that was funny.
Comment by rabbitin3d at 09/01/2025 at 17:32 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I’m sorry. He sounds like a dick. What is there to “get” about a “joke” like that? And what kind of comments is he going to make about her looks when she’s seven years old? What about 17?
Comment by forest_cat_mum at 09/01/2025 at 17:33 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Does he also have leg braces? You can only use gallows humour when you're on the gallows yourself: otherwise, you're just punching down. He was really cruel to say that. I'm sorry you had to deal with his little mantrum too.