2077 upvotes, 4 direct replies (showing 4)
Ugh, why can't he just apologize instead of claiming it was a "joke". How is it a joke? What's the punchline? Can he explain the joke and humor to someone else?
Comment by [deleted] at 09/01/2025 at 14:14 UTC
965 upvotes, 65 direct replies
[deleted]
Comment by thefrenchphanie at 09/01/2025 at 17:38 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
The good old excuse « it’s a joke ». No. You said something awful and you are trying to deflect by changing the narrative, DARVO ing your way out of owning that you are a jerk. It is NEVER a joke. NEVER.
Comment by qwqwqw at 09/01/2025 at 19:22 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Or apologise AND claim it was a joke. "sorry, I only meant it as a joke - obviously that didn't land well and I'll be careful in the future with what I say."
I don't even agree with people saying "what's the punchline" - they dont need to share the same sense of humour, and if he finds it funny then whatever.
But he's hurt his partner, and instead of going out of his way to ensure she trusts that a) he wasn't being serious and b) he didn't want to hurt her - he's denying responsibility and turning it on her claiming she is the one over reacting.
I didn't actually think of DARVO (look it up - a pattern of emotionally abusive behaviour) until I wrote that last sentence. But there you go.
I've made jokes that weren't funny. I've made jokes that I still think were funny which others didnt find funny. In both cases when I care about the person I've hurt I dont say "it's your fault for having a diffrent sense of humour" I say "ahh I'm an idiot. Sorry. I really didn't want to hurt you. You know I don't believe what I said at all right?" (And luckily, most of the time, I'm a pretty awesome friend - so an apology like that is backed with good behaviour for the most part)
Comment by sandtrooper73 at 09/01/2025 at 20:26 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Dude needs to learn to shut up when he's behind.