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created by [deleted] on 09/01/2025 at 14:02 UTC*
4273 upvotes, 276 top-level comments (showing 25)
[deleted]
Comment by goooshie at 09/01/2025 at 14:14 UTC
3834 upvotes, 5 direct replies
NOR, the fact you wear braces makes it feel much worse- very malicious and targeted compared to just a bad ignorant joke.
Comment by Green_343 at 09/01/2025 at 14:13 UTC
2084 upvotes, 4 direct replies
Ugh, why can't he just apologize instead of claiming it was a "joke". How is it a joke? What's the punchline? Can he explain the joke and humor to someone else?
Comment by Kalanan at 09/01/2025 at 14:08 UTC
3647 upvotes, 15 direct replies
Everyone who says 'it's just a joke' is almost automatically in the wrong. They said something rude and not funny, and rather than trying to do better they hide behind the 'joke'.
You are not overreacting, what your husband said was insensitive and frankly even a bit worrying.
Comment by HatpinFeminist at 09/01/2025 at 14:10 UTC
1252 upvotes, 7 direct replies
My ex came home from work once, saw our 10 month old bumming around on the floor pushing his toys around while grinning happily, turned to me and said “He will never amount to anything”. These men don’t deserve children.
Comment by dangersiren at 09/01/2025 at 14:08 UTC
1113 upvotes, 5 direct replies
He’s an asshole to equate beauty to physical ability. It’s not funny. It’s not a joke. He clearly isn’t handling it well and it’s coming out. You did the right thing defending your child! Unfortunately, there will be many bullies in your child’s life (braces or not, most children have to endure bullies), your husband shouldn’t be racing to be the first.
Comment by NotAReal_Person_ at 09/01/2025 at 14:09 UTC
703 upvotes, 3 direct replies
When abusers get called out on their shit behavior, they always say that it was a joke, and that you’re overreacting. She’s young enough not to remember this, but as she ages and these jokes continue, she will become deeply insecure because of her own father. That is such a disgusting thing to say
Comment by glitterswirl at 09/01/2025 at 14:08 UTC
317 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Saying someone is ugly isn’t a “joke”. He just didn’t like being called out on it.
You and your daughter are beautiful regardless of braces or other medical equipment.
Comment by ItsSpaghettiLee2112 at 09/01/2025 at 14:06 UTC
580 upvotes, 0 direct replies
What a terrible thing for him to say. Jesus Christ.
Comment by pegasuspish at 09/01/2025 at 14:16 UTC
149 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Yea it wasn't a joke. He meant that. This is the person you want to spend your life with? He sounds ugly on the inside
Comment by symckr at 09/01/2025 at 14:08 UTC
189 upvotes, 2 direct replies
If it did upset you, you are not overreacting. Your emotions are valid.
Comment by Gaias_Minion at 09/01/2025 at 14:10 UTC
182 upvotes, 2 direct replies
You're not overthinking it, him going "why do you nip-pick at everything I say, I didn’t mean anything by it, it was a joke" is a big red flag, straight up things that you hear from abusers, same with him calling you overdramatic.
Plus the "it's just a joke" bs doesn't even tend to hold up in their own logic, i.e. try to "joke" about His physical appearance and such instead, and chances are he will suddenly get upset about it.
Comment by wahoowayoo at 09/01/2025 at 14:15 UTC
136 upvotes, 3 direct replies
I really think your husband was directing this to you.
Comment by Sxualhrssmntpanda at 09/01/2025 at 14:07 UTC
274 upvotes, 2 direct replies
What a horrible thing to say about your own kid. She didn't hear him did she?
Comment by potatomeeple at 09/01/2025 at 14:11 UTC
51 upvotes, 0 direct replies
That's not nitpicking that's calling someone out on his shit. If he doesn't change his ways, your kid is going to grow up with some horrible ideas about herself and others drummed into her head.
Comment by TheatrePlode at 09/01/2025 at 14:17 UTC
41 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Nah, that's clearly not a joke and he's only saying that because he was called out.
Man needs to grow up.
Comment by Emlashed at 09/01/2025 at 14:36 UTC
36 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I grew up with a parent who constantly disparaged my looks and my weight as "jokes". And if I got upset about it? I needed to "lighten up" and "learn how to take a joke". It devastated me and made me feel worthless. I still struggle with these feelings of inadequacy today, decades later. Therapy has helped but the feeling that I'll never be good enough lingers on.
Your husband DID mean something by it. Jokes are supposed to be funny, not insulting. That's just bullying. If your husband continues to downplay it and can't see why he is in the wrong here, then you need to take steps protect your kid. My dad didn't participate in these kinds of remarks and "jokes", but he did nothing to prevent them or protect me either, and honestly, that hurts worse.
My first bully was my mom. Don't let your daughter's first bully be her father.
Comment by JonesBlair555 at 09/01/2025 at 14:17 UTC
73 upvotes, 1 direct replies
who says that about an infant?? And their own infant at that? That is messed up. He has strange priorities.
Comment by Helpful-Ad-5125 at 09/01/2025 at 14:17 UTC
69 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Do not give him the credit of being "genuinely convinced" that you're overreacting. He knows exactly what he's doing. He's saying something OBVIOUSLY hurtful, and then gaslighting you so you're the "dramatic" one.
Please get out when you can. Do you want to live with a manipulator? Do you want your daughter to grow up with one?
Comment by Helpful_Corgi5716 at 09/01/2025 at 14:55 UTC
32 upvotes, 0 direct replies
It was a joke!
You're too sensitive!
Why do you have to over-analyse everything?
You're over-thinking it
That's not what I meant
You always make it about you, what about my feelings?
You always have to make me feel bad when I'm having a laugh
You need to get a sense of humour
Every shitty person who says shitty things and is too much of a coward to own up uses the same script. Sadly, we often don't find out exactly how shitty they are until we've bought the house or had the baby...
Comment by yankdevil at 09/01/2025 at 14:11 UTC
60 upvotes, 0 direct replies
It was a horrible thing to say before you said you wear leg braces. When you mentioned that it was also a "wtf?" thing to say.
The "it was just a joke" response is just shit icing on a pile of poo.
Comment by ceciliabee at 09/01/2025 at 14:25 UTC
25 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Your husband is a piece of shit. Your daughter will be lucky to survive him and his "jokes" without trauma.
Comment by EngineerBoy00 at 09/01/2025 at 15:03 UTC
28 upvotes, 0 direct replies
"I was just kidding" is the cowardly defense of every bully and bigot on the planet when they get called out.
My question would be if this seemed like a one-off, or if it was part of a larger pattern for him.
If it's a pattern then, oof, in my experience people like that don't change, they just get better at hiding it around people they need things from.
Comment by birdsandbones at 09/01/2025 at 14:31 UTC
49 upvotes, 1 direct replies
To add: what a deeply misogynistic thing to say about a baby, because she’s a girl. Do we really think he would have said “he’s not handsome anymore” about a male baby? Why does he think appearance/“attractiveness” is more important than health for a little girl?
Comment by hoeleia at 09/01/2025 at 14:38 UTC
48 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I’m exhausted reading this. Who the fuck comments on a child’s “attractiveness” especially their own?? Ever hear that saying “a parent is a child’s first bully”? Your husband is sending the message that it’s okay for people to talk to her that way and diminishing her self worth. You’re not overreacting at all, I’m just glad your daughter can’t comprehend what her father said.
Comment by Helpful-Ad-5125 at 09/01/2025 at 14:30 UTC
40 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Hey OP. When you bring up something he does that bothers you, does it usually go like this?
" That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did... You deserved it. "
That is the narcissist's prayer. They will never apologize, and if they do, they'll simultaneously blame you. No real accountability. They can do no wrong. Other people don't get their jokes. Everyone's too soft. Everyone is overreacting. Everyone else is creating the issue (for simply stating their needs? for simply communicating something that bothers them?)
If this was a decent guy, he would be apologizing BIG TIME, not saying how you're sensitive or overreacting. This guy sucks. Leave him.