2 upvotes, 1 direct replies (showing 1)
View submission: Do non-binary identities reenforce gender stereotypes?
Thank you for those explanations!
I often have the same feelings expressed as OP. I am biologically a woman and feel like one, even if I don't wear makeup, don't care about clothes or what the mode is. I like video games and computer programing, and mathematics. I hate pink and purple, and loathe dancing.
I had to often be rude to the ones who told me I wasn't a real woman, not like them (often intended as a compliment by guy friends, like I am some kind of pick me). So when I read about a trans man or NB say that's how they knew they weren't a woman, because of the exact same experiences, it feels somewhat dismissive and frankly sexist. Like, please don't be one more person who impose your stereotypes on men/women about what they can or can't like, how they are supposed to behave, etc.
On the contrary, I always imagined being trans as being reborn as the other biological sex, and even though you have no memory from your past life, you know (you just do) that something is wrong with your body, that that's not supposed to be like that. So like you say: it doesn't really is a matter of what you like or not confirming with one stereotype of one gender or the other but really just a feeling about what you are, and how you see yourself.
Honestly, I'm still working on my mental image for NB and reading about those sharing their experiences to better understand.
Comment by whistling-wonderer at 15/01/2025 at 04:07 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
In case another person’s two cents might help—
I am nonbinary and was a lot like you growing up—non-stereotypical interests, not interested in fitting gendered expectations for dress and grooming, etc. I do *not* think that’s why I would call myself nonbinary. I know plenty of people who are like that and don’t have any question marks about their gender.
I did however have other experiences growing up that were more specifically about gender identity itself than about social gender expectations/stereotypes:
All of the above happened before I ever heard the word nonbinary or knew there was a name for it. Hell, I barely even knew there were trans men and women.
As a young adult, I had an experience where someone asked if I was a boy or girl, and the delight I felt caught me totally off guard. I wasn’t going for that ambiguity, it’s just how I’ve ended up looking. I knew I had that blank space but I had kind of avoided looking at it; that experience brought it to the forefront. I know most of my social circle wouldn’t react that way. Most people, even if they say they don’t feel a strong sense of gender, get pretty bothered at being mistaken for a different gender, called by the wrong pronouns, etc. Or if their bodies started doing things they felt were wrong (e.g. breast development for men, beards for women). I should note that my body does naturally have some secondary sex characteristics that “clash” with my biological sex. I don’t mind these. I like them as much as any part of my body (which I like!), despite some of my family expressing distaste.
Anyway, there was a lot more time and thought and mapping things out that went into it before I finally settled on the label “nonbinary” as shorthand for “I don’t have a strong sense of gender.” I don’t know how else to explain that because it’s a lack. If I hadn’t been taught gender identity was a thing then it simply wouldn’t be a thing for me.