129 upvotes, 6 direct replies (showing 6)
The hardest part about real gaslighting is trying to figure out that it even happened. I had an ex that was abusive but had convinced me that I was actually the one that was abusive. I knew I wasn't, but I was gaslit so hard that I genuinely didn't know if that was true or not anymore. It can make you question everything you think you know about yourself. And even now that I know she was gaslighting me, and I've been through therapy, there are still those days where I think back on it and question. It is truly the most manipulative and damaging tactic.
Comment by Eis0_ at 16/12/2021 at 04:21 UTC
36 upvotes, 3 direct replies
I'm sorry that this happened to you. I recently got out of a similar situation and feel like I could have written this comment myself. My ex used to argue the wildest, most indefensible shit to convince me that I was wrong, and by the end of the relationship frequently told me and anyone who would listen that I was a completely delusional human incapable of comprehending reality for things like being uncomfortable that he had extremely inappropriate boundaries with previous partners. He insisted that I had the most debilitating personality disorder he'd ever witnessed, and when he made me see two separate therapists who both maintained that in no way did I meet the profile, he said that both of them didn't know what they were talking about. When I'd tell him I felt like I was being gaslit, he would just say that I was the one gaslighting him.
It seems ridiculous, in hindsight, but the more this went on, the more I questioned my own sanity. I started having to consult family and friends over basic things because he made me feel like I couldn't trust my own judgment regarding literally anything, even things that seemed obviously absurd.
I hope you have a good support system and are taking care of yourself.
Comment by F8L-Fool at 16/12/2021 at 08:37 UTC
8 upvotes, 0 direct replies
The hardest part about real gaslighting is trying to figure out that it even happened.
This is why the biggest gaslighters of all are, you guessed it: **parents**. The people you typically trust the most in life can completely reshape or values, beliefs, and perception of the world in an unhealthy and 100% false way.
My best friends mom convinced him that he was an aggressive asshole. He is so kind and gentle, but his mom is very mean and temperamental. For the longest time she had him believing that all of the fights they had were his fault. That **he** started them and it was ruining **her** life. That if he wasn't so messed up they would have no problems and life would be smooth sailing.
In reality he was just getting upset by the insane shit she said and did. Every time he voiced his objections, she took offense and shifted the blame onto him. It fucked him up and he still has issues to this day because of it.
When your loved ones convince you of something so clearly wrong and you believe it, that shit gets ingrained in you. Even when you learn the truth you question and deny it. Because to believe it would be to reject not just part of yourself, but the people you care most about in this world.
Comment by saltesc at 16/12/2021 at 05:39 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
In a lot of cases a person can feel that way and not be gaslighting. It's best to ask of examples and why they feel the way they do, explain your true intentions, and ask how better you can deliver yourself. If you do as they say but they still react as they do, it's likely gaslighting.
Comment by _klx at 16/12/2021 at 05:06 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I’m sorry you experienced that, but I’m glad you got out of it. What you described is something so many victims of abuse unfortunately experience.
Comment by UltimateInferno at 16/12/2021 at 09:23 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
One time I was talking to my roommates about how my pre-existing disorders and demeanor would make me susceptible to gaslighting and one of them pointed out that he changed his shirt four times during an extended conversation once to fuck with me and I never noticed.
I genuinely afraid it might happen if I'm not careful. I can't trust myself as it is, having someone deliberately undermine me would fuck me up
Comment by KiraLonely at 18/02/2022 at 12:48 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Honestly, same. There will never be a day, most likely, where I don't look back on my childhood and family and have at least the tiniest wonder if I was actually just a bad kid and my parents were the good ones, despite having therapists and friends many people verify that I'm not in the wrong and that I was being emotionally abused. (Still in a toxic house rn, but working to get out. Only 18.)
Add on the fact I developed OCD, likely due to said abuse or the trauma of gaslighting teachers (being screamed at that I knew what I was doing when I literally didn't in 2nd grade didn't help, lmao. I accidentally spelled shit instead of shirt. Didn't even understand what I'd written after the scolding/yelling started until a good minute in when she was dragging me to the corner for time out and I, staring over her shoulder, finally had the pieces click into place as to why she was so furious. She wouldn't listen though. I only got out of time out after I cried myself dry essentially and was left with puffy eyes and that kinda dry crying, not quite sobbing, but you still feel it in your chest, ya know?) that further sends me spiraling into doubts of myself super easily and you've got a my lame ass who constantly needs validation cause I can't trust myself with anything.