3355 upvotes, 46 direct replies (showing 25)
Lots of people seem to think that "gaslighting" is basically just lying to, or attempting to deceive, someone, but that's not what "gaslighting" means. It refers to a concerted effort to undermine someone else's confidence in their own sanity. It's not even *possible* to gaslight someone unless there's some form of established trust involved--enough trust to get you to seriously wonder whether you're experiencing hallucinations or delusions.
inb4 someone makes the obvious joke about my explanation of what gaslighting is being an act of gaslighting in itself.
Comment by SayNoToStim at 16/12/2021 at 02:15 UTC
861 upvotes, 7 direct replies
If I can't trust rando strangers on the internet, who can I trust?
Comment by Superfly724 at 16/12/2021 at 03:40 UTC
128 upvotes, 6 direct replies
The hardest part about real gaslighting is trying to figure out that it even happened. I had an ex that was abusive but had convinced me that I was actually the one that was abusive. I knew I wasn't, but I was gaslit so hard that I genuinely didn't know if that was true or not anymore. It can make you question everything you think you know about yourself. And even now that I know she was gaslighting me, and I've been through therapy, there are still those days where I think back on it and question. It is truly the most manipulative and damaging tactic.
Comment by zty989 at 16/12/2021 at 03:10 UTC
54 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Watched shutter island for the first time a couple days ago, and felt it’s definitely paced and told extremely well to make you think Leo’s character is being hard gaslighted.
Comment by [deleted] at 16/12/2021 at 02:08 UTC*
222 upvotes, 8 direct replies
Came here to say this. People often use it inappropriately because they don't understand the clinical definition.
Edit: by clinical, I meant the definition used by clinical psychologists eho treat abuse victims. However, someone pointed out that there is no clinical vs. colloquial definition. There is just one definition that people don't understand.
Comment by Averill21 at 16/12/2021 at 03:46 UTC
45 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Bruh my ex said i was gaslighting her if we disagreed on what happened in an argument or anything that was said
Comment by djmagichat at 16/12/2021 at 06:57 UTC
15 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Holy fuck thank you, Reddit has a hard on for incorrect meanings on gaslighting.
/r/Relationship_Advice
“Oh my boyfriend said he wanted to go on Friday then he cancelled”
“He must be gaslighting you”
For fucks sake people.
Comment by SergeantChic at 16/12/2021 at 03:04 UTC
82 upvotes, 5 direct replies
It’s one of those words that have been rendered altogether meaningless in general conversation on the internet by overuse.
Comment by Hat__Rack at 16/12/2021 at 02:55 UTC
12 upvotes, 5 direct replies
Reverse gaslighting is when it gets really intense.
Comment by [deleted] at 16/12/2021 at 03:07 UTC
34 upvotes, 1 direct replies
All the front page subs where people complain about their family, romantic partners, and bosses are filled to the brim with gaslighting this and gaslighting that.
Comment by Glowshroom at 16/12/2021 at 03:15 UTC
15 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Thank you! My female friends are constantly claiming to be victims of gaslighting when in reality their shitty boyfriends were just lying to cover their own asses.
Comment by empress_tesla at 16/12/2021 at 05:23 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
My mom insists that my dad gaslights her. But I know better. She’s just batshit crazy. She’s paranoid and has misremembers past events to the point where she believes everyone is against her and makes her question her sanity. It’s impossible to communicate to her that, yes, she should indeed question her sanity. It’d be funny if it wasn’t so fucking stressful to be around her.
Comment by Hurdleflurdle at 16/12/2021 at 07:51 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Exactly. I think my shower thought is too short to explain the whole context but I agree with you!
Comment by [deleted] at 16/12/2021 at 06:37 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Actually, gaslighting is when anybody disagrees with me
Comment by MyNameWontFitHere_jk at 16/12/2021 at 18:41 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
When I first heard it I just had context to go off, so I thought that gaslighting referred to the gas light or engine light in a car. Like when you take your car in and they say "idk everything's working fine" "what? I swear my gas/engine/service light was on, I'm not crazy." Then I learned it's actually a reference to the 1938 play "Gas Light" and it was less confusing. The example from the play is so clear cut. The husband dims some gas lights and tells the wife "what are you talking about? They're still bright" (among other things) in the effort to make her think she's crazy and get her admitted.
Comment by LEAVEKYRIEALONE at 16/12/2021 at 02:25 UTC
11 upvotes, 3 direct replies
I don't know if a concerted effort is always the case. I've been gaslighted by people who had no idea they were abusing me. In their head they were justified. They were just toxic and not self aware enough to realize it.
Comment by [deleted] at 16/12/2021 at 03:53 UTC
5 upvotes, 1 direct replies
[deleted]
Comment by Wardog_Razgriz30 at 16/12/2021 at 03:41 UTC
0 upvotes, 2 direct replies
So gaslighting is virtually impossible short of torture or some sort of Truman show level fuckery?
Comment by Mobely at 16/12/2021 at 02:37 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
You should create a gaslightinf quiz I can forward to friends
Comment by irisuniverse at 16/12/2021 at 03:30 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I love Chopin
Comment by __removed__ at 16/12/2021 at 04:26 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This. Exactly.
Someone accusing you of gaslighting them, by definition, means you're *not* gaslighting them.
Comment by [deleted] at 16/12/2021 at 02:48 UTC
-1 upvotes, 1 direct replies
[deleted]
Comment by Disastrous-Ad-2357 at 16/12/2021 at 03:51 UTC
0 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Haha nice try.
Comment by friesdepotato at 16/12/2021 at 05:23 UTC
0 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I mean, you can also gaslight someone without realizing it. That’s the worst kind.
Comment by shinigamiscall at 16/12/2021 at 05:39 UTC
0 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Huh, TIL. I always thought it was when you turn an argument against someone and make them look like a bad person in public, using deceitful wordplay. Something like:
X - I want a cat. Let's get a cat.
Y - I prefer dogs, myself.
X - Well, why do you HATE cats?
and just spiraling the conversation down until you look like a cat hater to everyone else around you. A very basic example but that was always my idea of it.
Comment by Acredia at 16/12/2021 at 03:05 UTC
-1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This is exactly what happened to me while living with my family after my suicide attempt. I had so many bizarre experiences and I couldn't tell what was real for like 5 months.
I tried to tell my family that they gaslit me for a while but likely not on purpose, it was like they were interacting and purposely making me feel insane. But they don't appreciate that I would even say something like that. But it happened, like I don't know what else to tell you.