created by Hurdleflurdle on 15/12/2021 at 23:02 UTC
37647 upvotes, 148 top-level comments (showing 25)
Comment by intet42 at 16/12/2021 at 02:38 UTC
3342 upvotes, 12 direct replies
I have been in situations where each side genuinely felt like the other was gaslighting them. I think it's an unfortunate outcome of mixing honest disagreement and trauma history.
Comment by Chop1n at 16/12/2021 at 01:44 UTC*
3356 upvotes, 21 direct replies
Lots of people seem to think that "gaslighting" is basically just lying to, or attempting to deceive, someone, but that's not what "gaslighting" means. It refers to a concerted effort to undermine someone else's confidence in their own sanity. It's not even *possible* to gaslight someone unless there's some form of established trust involved--enough trust to get you to seriously wonder whether you're experiencing hallucinations or delusions.
inb4 someone makes the obvious joke about my explanation of what gaslighting is being an act of gaslighting in itself.
Comment by Altruistic-Battle-32 at 16/12/2021 at 05:45 UTC
60 upvotes, 1 direct replies
This term in general…… it’s the avocado of vocabulary. It doesn’t belong everywhere
Comment by ShaughnessyT at 15/12/2021 at 23:13 UTC
535 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Are you gaslighting me right now?
Comment by fastolfe00 at 16/12/2021 at 00:33 UTC
486 upvotes, 4 direct replies
Gaslighting doesn't exist. You made it up because you're crazy.
Comment by CryptoCentric at 16/12/2021 at 03:03 UTC
153 upvotes, 1 direct replies
"Gaslighting isn't real, you made it up cuz you're fucking crazy." ~News reporter on Rick and Morty.
Comment by topothebellcurve at 16/12/2021 at 00:45 UTC
109 upvotes, 3 direct replies
Been there, done that. Really messes with your head.
Comment by [deleted] at 16/12/2021 at 00:46 UTC
64 upvotes, 1 direct replies
instructions unclear, Wife and I are now gaslighting eachother.
Comment by [deleted] at 16/12/2021 at 06:00 UTC
39 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Overused trigger word ever since it became too popular and now people just use it to describe behavior they don't like.
Comment by Bakoro at 16/12/2021 at 09:18 UTC
19 upvotes, 2 direct replies
If you're ever in that situation, the only winning move is to walk away.
You can't win in that kind of shit. What are you going to do, start recording every private conversation and interaction? You *might* get away with that at work, but it's not tenable in a relationship.
I was in a long term relationship that was already on the rocks, and there was a point where we couldn't agree on basic, objective facts like if I made breakfast or not.
That shit got wild, we'd be telling two completely contradictory narratives that couldn't just be boiled down to interpretations or mistakes or miscommunications.
She's telling me I'm gaslighting her, I'm telling her that's she's either gaslighting me or the 4 different psychoactive drugs she's on have her all fucked up to the point she can't keep track of what's going on.
It can be painful, but if you can't agree on basic facts and feel like you're living in different realities, you just have to leave. I literally decided to be homeless for a bit rather than continue with that mess.
Comment by SnarfbObo at 16/12/2021 at 03:10 UTC
18 upvotes, 1 direct replies
No it isn't
Comment by BlueExorzist at 15/12/2021 at 23:14 UTC
52 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Rick and Morty Season 4 episode 1 There is a scene with this
Comment by [deleted] at 16/12/2021 at 03:03 UTC
10 upvotes, 1 direct replies
True IRL gaslighting is generally a form of emotional manipulation and it's quite horrible, but I see a lot of online/anonymous accusations of gaslighting appear to be exactly this.
Comment by ASmufasa47 at 16/12/2021 at 02:06 UTC
25 upvotes, 1 direct replies
That's why I hate the term, it gets bounced around like a volleyball
Comment by CutieBoBootie at 16/12/2021 at 10:38 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
In abusive situations this scenario is called DARVO. Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender". It is a common manipulation strategy of psychological abusers.
Comment by -I-D-G-A-F- at 16/12/2021 at 08:25 UTC
6 upvotes, 1 direct replies
RIGHT!! I’ve been accused of gaslighting because I remembered something someone said even though they forgot it, among other small things. I was told “you make me feel crazy and you’re gaslighting me” and its a checkmate. How would I reply to that? Its not like I can say “I’m not gaslighting you, your memory just sucks” even if thats the truth. Then i questioned myself.
Comment by [deleted] at 16/12/2021 at 00:50 UTC
20 upvotes, 5 direct replies
What even is gaslighting? Never heard of it until this months suddenly everyone online uses it. Non native English speaker btw.
Comment by RGivens at 16/12/2021 at 05:09 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
We don't use gas to light anything other than stoves
Comment by Deziac at 16/12/2021 at 07:58 UTC
4 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Had someone say to me one time "Don't you dare try to gaslight me" and I said "If I'm gaslighting you, then I'm clearly not a healthy person to be around you. Sorry about that, good luck." And ghosted her. Apparently that was "unacceptable" of me and she kept messaging me for months afterwards.
Comment by eghed8 at 16/12/2021 at 03:57 UTC
13 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Only if it's intentional. Sometimes people are just wrong.
Comment by SigourneyReaver at 15/12/2021 at 23:04 UTC
31 upvotes, 2 direct replies
It's actually DARVOing. Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender.
Gaslighting is more like, "you're just upset because you're crazy, and that's why all your friends only pretend they like you."
Comment by jspikeball123 at 16/12/2021 at 06:28 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
"gaslighting is when people say things"
Comment by cmacfarland64 at 16/12/2021 at 07:08 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This term is nonsense most of the time. In an argument, both sides can think they’re right. Both sides can try to convince the other person that they are wrong. Both sides can believe two different things are both real. Perception is wild. None of this is gaslighting but gets called out as such.
Comment by YeazetheSock at 16/12/2021 at 01:47 UTC
38 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I’ve seen this in this generation, they learn buzzwords and use it to abuse others emotionally into thinking they’re evil
Comment by [deleted] at 16/12/2021 at 01:27 UTC
12 upvotes, 0 direct replies
You must have been married.