5 upvotes, 5 direct replies (showing 5)
Yeah, this is true. I've told her that just doing whatever whenever, without consent needed, feels too 'rapey', and she just said she wants me to just do. No consent needed. That she wishes I wouldn't ask for her consent so much. (Hey, you up for some fun/sex? etc etc) She literally wants me to just bend her over, pull her pants down, and just go to town. No asking, no anything. Just doing.
Edit: just typing that out feels so wrong, not to bash on anyone that likes CNC.... And it feels different than like that early morning late night sleepy sex where both people just start in.
Comment by Ok-Understanding5878 at 13/01/2025 at 22:38 UTC
18 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I'm curious why you are here seeking answers & not talking this through with your therapist assisting you to find your own? What's their take on all of this?
Comment by skyoutsidemywindow at 14/01/2025 at 04:05 UTC
10 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Dude. We have gotten so fucked up about sex in this culture. You are allowed to have limits too, regadless of your role as a dom. You don’t like this. It makes you feel bad. Stop doing it!
Comment by usernamesmooozername at 13/01/2025 at 22:32 UTC
7 upvotes, 1 direct replies
You're not bashing on CNC/people who engage in that love of play. For it to be successful, BOTH partners have to be involved with honesty and trust. This doesn't apply to your situation. Don't feel bad for stating your feelings!
Comment by crudelikechocolate at 13/01/2025 at 23:49 UTC
3 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I think a good question to understand is why she wishes you don’t ask for her consent so much.
People who do CNC or free use do it because it is exciting for them. If that’s her reason. That’s fine. You still don’t have to engage in that either. You could just be incompatible sexually.
But if it’s because she doesn’t think she should have a choice or something like that, then it is really concerning and unhealthy
Comment by Particular_Sale5675 at 15/01/2025 at 04:31 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Did you ever ask her why? I'm not gong to make any assumptions. But it sounds like you're asking the wrong questions and giving up on answers too early.
Not that you should have to go to such extreme lengths for her to tell you what she likes. It just seems a bit like she is telling you what she likes, but it's afraid of admitting it out loud. My ex-wife had to write me a message in code just to answer my questions on what she liked.
But it was a similar problem at first. She couldn't say anything. But she did want to do a lot of the things I was doing. And some of it was her exploring herself and figuring it out still.
But I still think everyone else has made good points. Your girlfriend is stunted developmentally. At least when me and my ex-wife got together, we were both stunted developmentally. (We both have ADHD and Autism and abusive families.) I wouldn't stay with someone like that now. And both me and my ex-wife were able to grow up at the same time. So way different situation.
It's not like I think you're abusing her. It's more like you'll not be able to grow emotionally while she's so far behind. You'll play a dual role of parent and boyfriend until her brain is able to rewire, which takes years. It's not a simple "go to counseling" thing. It's a "wait for new neural pathways to develop" thing.