17 upvotes, 1 direct replies (showing 1)
I love to provide support for my friends who are men, and I enjoy actively making space for them when they need it.
But I run into an unfortunate situation when it comes to needing some support for myself: my friends who are men are kind of bad at it. Like, they just don't seem to have the skills. They're sort of clumsy and awkward. They aren't great listeners, and when it comes to 'serious stuff' they don't really know what to say. I don't blame them for it as individuals, because I see where it comes from. And I love them all the same, haha. But it does lead me to many moments where I don't feel like they're there for me--even though we have a great time with small talk, doing activities together, etc.
Whereas I rarely feel this way with my friends who are women. It could be luck of the draw, but they seem to generally have more developed active listening skills. And so naturally I end up getting more of the support in my life from them. I'm not actively, like, going to them to be my therapist. It's just that, when people are good active listeners, these things naturally come up in conversations. And vice versa.
So I see what you're saying, and I agree, but unfortunately there's not much that 'lonely men' can do to get *others* to learn how to be supportive, you know?
You got a lot of responses on this comment, and I'm not expecting you to respond or anything. And I upvoted you :P
I just wanted to say that out loud! It's something I've never said before, and it felt good to put it out there.
Comment by The-Magic-Sword at 15/02/2025 at 18:31 UTC*
18 upvotes, 0 direct replies
There's some luck involved, I've certainly met a lot of women who were a lot worse (or just completely unwilling) at providing emotional support while also demanding lots of it. They also tend to reinforce toxic masculinity more strongly than other guys will, even if they're verbally against it.
Like, dudes I know might discuss a problem in awkward terms, but women I know will interrupt to tell me how profoundly unsexy insecure men are, or do a variety of other passive aggressive things to punish you for sharing.