28 upvotes, 0 direct replies (showing 0)
And I really hope that comment doesn't sound flippant or like we shouldn't be working together to make sure everyone is healthy and supported. One of my friends who has grown and started reaching out to his pals will bring their conversations back to me every so often. The support I'm providing is basically in "teaching" him the way that I would respond to certain conflicts, and "teaching" him how to give his friends the benefit of the doubt when it seems warranted and he doesn't seem able to see it.
The friend he's trying to support is a racist, sexist asshole who has been suppressing some serious trauma for two decades, so I both don't have the energy to deal with that guy and also, crucially, don't have the rapport or trust to help him directly. I give all the credit to my friend for this, but he's managed to get that guy into therapy after years of trying. If I were just around to coddle and reassure that friend, I don't think he'd have the same outcome -- he has relied on coddling from women to validate his behavior for a really long time! Seeing a guy he trusts and admires improve his own life and encourage him to do the same has a totally different impact than what I'm capable of doing.
There's nothing here!