10 upvotes, 15 direct replies (showing 15)
View submission: My boyfriend says I’m privileged
Thank you! Honestly this relationship has really made me overthink my whole identity. He’s not a bad guy but things like this I just start to feel worse and worse about myself. So you get the feeling that he’s jealous of my family being around still? Because that’s how I’ve been feeling but if I were to address it he wouldn’t express that he feels that way.
Comment by in_formation at 06/02/2025 at 05:51 UTC
28 upvotes, 3 direct replies
why are you saying he's not a bad guy when he's making you feel insecure. you said you come from a loving family- does anyone in your family behave like this that loves you? Something is not adding up, if you come from a good home why on earth would you go and pick a man like this?
you need better standards for yourself, this is not a person worth fighting for. if you stay with him you will be a shell of yourself by the time he's finished with you. he's essentially slowly trying to turn you into himself: old, insecure and unloved.
you better wake up! you're way too young to be in this situation.
Comment by manonaca at 06/02/2025 at 06:08 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
“He’s not a bad guy” but he constantly negs you to the point that you feel guilty about having a loving, healthy family and you are questioning yourself so much that he even gets you to apologize when he is the one in the wrong?
Girl.
At his big age, it’s very clear why this guy is still single. I feel for the fact that he *very obviously* has unresolved childhood wounds. However that’s not your job to fix. It’s his. And instead of realizing that his reality isn’t representative of everyone’s and it’s creating a toxic and unsustainable way of thinking, he is trying to bring you down.
If you want to talk with him about it and give him a chance to do better, that’s your prerogative… but don’t wait around for this guy to make real, long term extensive effort. It’ll be a lot of work for him, and a LOT of patience for you. Are you willing to sit through that? (If he even does it)
Comment by AmyDeHaWa at 06/02/2025 at 06:17 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Do you really know that he grew up that way? Is there any proof that he grew up that way? Ik a lot of narcissists pretend their parents are dead or some sob story so you feel sorry for them. They also fake illnesses like cancer, so be careful. They isolate you from friends and family. They manipulate you to make you question yourself and your reality. They abuse you emotionally and eventually abuse you physically. I would be careful of this man. Red flags galore.
Comment by NoPussInBoots at 06/02/2025 at 05:29 UTC
3 upvotes, 1 direct replies
🤗Maybe the whole point is that he’s doing it because he can’t express the things that you have that he wishes he has… youth, family, good parents.
It can be so that insults, comments and critiques others tell us can be projection of their own behaviour and insecurities. It’s not true for all people, but we tend to have the easiest time recognizing things to nit pick about others than about ourselves.
Talking to him about it is probably difficult but if you want to continue your relationship you should try to tackle this. He might not want to verbalize it fully but he owes you that to not just make snide comments. He might not even be truly angry about your privilege and what you have. It’s just an easier emotion than others to express.
Comment by Mothersullivan at 06/02/2025 at 08:08 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
He is a bad guy. Constantly bringing you down, trying to ruin your self esteem, to the point that you'll become dependent on him. Leave him
Comment by meiuimei_ at 06/02/2025 at 08:22 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
"He's not a bad guy"
...Girl, yes, he *IS A BAD GUY*.
Comment by Illustrious-Square46 at 06/02/2025 at 09:06 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
He doesn't want you to be happy.
He wants you to feel bad, he wants you to feel guilty, and he wants you to feel like you know nothing/deserve nothing/haven't earned anything.
He is breaking your self esteem and making you question your identity because he hates who he is. He has the power to change who he is but he does want to, so he wants you to be as miserable as he is.
Please, leave this man ASAP. What he is doing is a form of emotional abuse; he is tearing you down bit-by-bit so that you won't realize that you deserve someone better, someone who will show you love, and someone who will build you up. His behavior is not normal- the man is almost 50 and he's realizing that he's accomplished nothing. He is trying to isolate you by making you feel guilty about having a family that loves you, perhaps to make you visit them/talk with them less.
Run, before this gets worse.
Comment by Natenat04 at 06/02/2025 at 10:54 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
He is emotionally immature, and gets validation when he thinks he is poking at you.
Comment by UniqueAlps2355 at 06/02/2025 at 12:05 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
That's why he does it. It makes him feel control when he makes you feel bad. Dump him.
Your partner should help you grow, not pull you down and certainly not enjoy stomping on you.
Comment by Greencake_811 at 06/02/2025 at 12:10 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Sometimes you don’t need to explain anything. You can just leave. Please take care. You deserve better!
Comment by Matzie138 at 06/02/2025 at 13:20 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
The person you choose to be with should build you up not make you feel less.
I divorced my ex husband in part due to this. Over time, he just couldn’t be happy for things like me getting a promotion, he’d try to bring me down by saying it was because I was a woman or that the boss just liked me. But you know he wanted all the congrats in the world if he did something. He’d also pitch fits if I went to visit my family, I realized my visits were getting shorter and less frequent over time because I didn’t want to deal with his attitude after.
Divorcing was the best decision ever. Quite the sense of relief.
Ended up finding a partner who is fantastic and encourages me to do the things that make me happy and we help each other to grow.
I know it’s hard, but I’d seriously consider ending this relationship.
Comment by hammong at 06/02/2025 at 13:42 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
A good partner will *lift you up*, support you, and make you a better person. If you're getting the opposite effect from this tool, then it's time to drop him and find somebody else. He's using his advanced age and experience to push you down from the top.
Comment by TheNinjaPixie at 06/02/2025 at 13:53 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Why can you think he isn't a bad guy? A good guy who cared for you would be thrilled that you had a good supportive upbringing, not demean you insinuation you are some simpleton. You are so young, and he isn't acting his age, you deserve to be supported not shot down in jealous flames.
Comment by VikingFuneral- at 06/02/2025 at 15:36 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
So it's okay if you make him feel insecure by telling him he's not allowed to live a frugal lifestyle and he just has to deal with that insecurity, but you don't? Bit of a double standard.
Comment by East_Ad_4901 at 06/02/2025 at 17:52 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
“He’s not a bad guy…”
No one is bad 100% of the time. You both sound miserable in this relationship.
Have you had any other long term relationships prior to this bf? Looking at this from the outside perspective it seems like this is either your first/only major relationship or you’ve only dated really bad people before to make this seem fine.