122 upvotes, 6 direct replies (showing 6)
View submission: Advice on Spouse Decisions
Something that improved my marriage dramatically was when I realized **the opposite could be worse**. Years ago, my Dad was visiting and one of my kids was acting up in a room nearby. My wife is super lenient with the kids and my Dad and I were both frustrated by her inaction.
My Dad scowled and asked "Does she ever get mad?". Instead of piling on, I said *"No, it's great. Nobody is perfect and the opposite would be worse. Whoever you marry is either going to be too soft or too hard on the kids. I'd much rather have someone who loves them too much than the opposite."*
The funny part was this was total bullshit. I made it up just to to shut him up. But, the minute it came out of my mouth I realized I was right. From that moment on I have applied "the opposite could be worse" to all kinds of situations. It makes life better.
I wish my wife wasn't so messy. But, having her follow me around with a white glove being disappointed in me all the time would be much worse.
You get the point. When you are struggling with your partner just remember, it could be worse. Nothing is ever exactly what you want.
Comment by LikesToLurkNYC at 08/10/2022 at 19:47 UTC
51 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Another way I look at this is that some traits that annoys me have positives. For example my partner can be spendy, but I realize that his generosity was something that drew me to him in the first place. I’d hate it if he nickeled and dimed me or our friends. He’s also impulsive, but with that Also comes fun and spontaneity. I’m sure my super organized and overthinking self annoys him, but he loves how I get stuff done and we have a lot of stability.
Comment by SignificanceLeast145 at 08/10/2022 at 18:29 UTC*
18 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Thank you for this important principle 🙏🏼
Comment by captain_napzz at 08/10/2022 at 20:04 UTC
22 upvotes, 0 direct replies
What a way to reframe. Thanks for this new perspective!
Comment by zstrebeck at 09/10/2022 at 04:21 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Love this
Comment by Fire_Doc2017 at 09/10/2022 at 02:52 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Sounds like a great idea for a book.
Comment by TheNotoriousRBG at 22/10/2022 at 20:50 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I love this! Thank you for sharing.