24 upvotes, 1 direct replies (showing 1)
View submission: Advice on Spouse Decisions
"The milk carton rule is based on a real-life example found in a psychology textbook, which tells the story of two people we'll call Vicky and Peter.
Every morning, Vicki gets up early for work, makes coffee, and runs off to the office. Many mornings, though, Vicki forgets to put the milk for her coffee back in the fridge. When her husband Peter wakes up a few hours later, he finds a carton of warm milk on the counter.
Over and over, Peter gets frustrated and confronts Vicki about it when she returns home. Vicki always apologizes, but she continues to make the same mistake. Peter brings up the problem one day to his therapist, to show the type of behavior he has to deal with.
T: "How often does she do this?"
P: "I've lost count."
T: "For how many years?"
P: "At least 10 years, ever since she took this job."
T: "So, do you base your prediction of what will happen every morning based on what she does or what you want her to do?"
P: "I base it on what's right. And what she'd do if she truly loved me."
T: "So, let me get this straight: She's done this hundreds, possibly thousands of times."
P: "Yup. See how inconsiderate she is!"
T: "But after hundreds or thousands of times, you're still shocked at her behavior. Shouldn't you expect her to leave out the milk? Are you basing your expectation on what you want or what she's done?"
P: "I guess on what I want."
T: "Now, how would you feel differently if you based your expectation on what she actually did, instead of what you wanted her to do?"
P: "I guess I wouldn't be so angry. I'd just get two containers of milk." "
Comment by SignificanceLeast145 at 08/10/2022 at 19:48 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies