145 upvotes, 3 direct replies (showing 3)
View submission: Advice on Spouse Decisions
It sounds like it’s time to see a couples counselor. While I’m sure she understands your goals and you do hers, you are not on the same page. It’s better to get some help now to improvement your communication/understanding.
Comment by Cato_theElder at 08/10/2022 at 17:32 UTC
32 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I definitely agree. While there's obviously a financial side to this problem, the solution is in healthy communication. A relationship counselor will help way more than a financial advisor here.
Furthermore, Carthage must be destroyed.
Comment by Prior-Lingonberry-70 at 08/10/2022 at 17:58 UTC
58 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Especially given the contempt here...
she seems to just not care about doing good work
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...and what sounds like viewing his spouse as a either a child or his subordinate.
but also feel like I haven’t done a good job setting expectations and consideration of family needs (paying expenses), doing what’s needed in the moment.
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Both contempt and a parent/child dynamic are utterly toxic to a partnership.
Comment by DCLXIX at 09/10/2022 at 14:37 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I haven't reached FIRE yet, but would give the same advice to OP. Even if it's not a formal counselor, just a structured conversation with a trusted friend or mentor may be beneficial. OP, just from this post, it seems that the perceived stability or work ethic issues are stemming from some unmet emotional or mental need. Really be purposeful to drive conversations and try to understand why she is programmed the way she is, it might take many months or even a year or two. She may not even know and need some guidance on how to investigate herself. Your marriage and understanding of each other's goals will benefit, and I bet the question will answer itself eventually.