59 upvotes, 4 direct replies (showing 4)
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OP, the most worrying thing here isn't that your girlfriend is a 35 year-old virgin, it's that you actually believe her very strange excuses for never having had sex.
She was concentrating at school, she was too busy, she was working on her career, her sister got pregnant... *none of these things are reasons for reaching 35 without ever having had sex*.
The fact she's had time for previous romantic relationships, but not sex, just underlines that.
There are clearly other issues going on here, and they may not be things that she can talk about or even identify in herself. Religion, sexuality, the asexuality spectrum (it's not binary), mental and physical health, neurodiversity- all of these things may play some part in this.
But I can 100% guarantee you that you will not suddenly have sex and then everything is going to be normal. If you're both serious about the relationship then this is something you're going to be working on together potentially for the rest of your lives. You may be entering a relationship which isn't ever going to be very sexual at all. You need to make sure that you're comfortable with that.
Comment by eaglesegull at 03/11/2022 at 05:20 UTC
24 upvotes, 0 direct replies
So much this. Also if she’s been career focused but she’s still made time for relationships, but not sex? And even with OP now things are stable and good but she’s still wanting to hold off. That doesn’t magically change at the flick of a switch.
But going by OP’s defensiveness, he likely isn’t seeing the forest for the trees. Also, not sure how old OP himself is but an 18 year relationship followed by something as … committal.. as this just 5 months in is a bit much too.
Hope it works out!
Comment by innersloth987 at 03/11/2022 at 04:57 UTC
12 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I also believe that if OP marries this person he will end up in r/deadbedroom Or it will be a rough road. I am surprised they never talked about therapist.
Comment by [deleted] at 03/11/2022 at 00:15 UTC
28 upvotes, 0 direct replies
OP, the most worrying thing here isn't that your girlfriend is a 35 year-old virgin, it's that you actually believe her very strange excuses for never having had sex.
She was concentrating at school, she was too busy, she was working on her career, her sister got pregnant... none of these things are reasons for reaching 35 without ever having had sex.
This. Come on OP...
Comment by greenythings at 03/11/2022 at 00:36 UTC
12 upvotes, 2 direct replies
OP, the most worrying thing here isn't that your girlfriend is a 35 year-old virgin, it's that you actually believe her very strange excuses for never having had sex.
She was concentrating at school, she was too busy, she was working on her career, her sister got pregnant... none of these things are reasons for reaching 35 without ever having had sex.
Nobody needs a *reason* to have or not have sex, and it’s certainly not anyone in this thread’s job to dictate the validity of someone else’s motivations RE: waiting to have sex. The low-level psychoanalysis isn’t super productive and doesn’t answer OP’s question