91 upvotes, 6 direct replies (showing 6)
View submission: Gaslighting red flags
Got accused of gaslighting by my emotionally abusive ex, when he was doing it to me. blamed myself for ages.
Comment by mothmanr6 at 01/07/2020 at 03:14 UTC
35 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Damn thats gaslighting inception! I'm sorry you dealt with that. I also had an abusive ex who did every single one of these things listed on this photo. Some people are just nuts.
Comment by pidge_on at 01/07/2020 at 05:09 UTC
4 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Something similar happened to me. It took months (and conversations with multiple people familiar to the situation) to realize that I wasn't being crazy and overemotional, HE was being abusive and gaslighting me. Really fucked me up emotionally. Hope you're doing better, friend.
Comment by Warriv9 at 01/07/2020 at 03:31 UTC
5 upvotes, 2 direct replies
In my experience when someone accusses another of gaslighting, they are themselves the gaslighter.
My ex use to also use this word ALOT. But she also would deliberately be vague only to then blame me, textbook gaslighting.
For instance, "hey are you come over after work?".. "ya"...
Then she ghosts me until the next morning. When I ask where she went or what happened she said she was just doing her thing why am I upset. So I said, well you said you were coming over after work. And she would say, well here I am, as if that was totally reasonable and rational. As if "after work" meant, the next day.
It's literally textbook gaslighting. But if I got upset about it, she would say I'm trying to gaslight her because she absolutely did exactly like she said, "she came over after work".
It's absolutely infuriating being around people like that.
Comment by Jambi420 at 01/07/2020 at 06:30 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I was going to say that in my experience one red flag of gaslighting is the other person accusing you of gaslighting them.
Comment by IndividualCry0 at 01/07/2020 at 10:06 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Same. My Ex took a psychology class in college and learned all about gas lighting and manipulation and key phrases to do with abusive relationships. He made ME feel like the narcissistic abuser while he cheated on me and emotionally/sexually/verbally/psychologically abused me. He’s the most Machiavellian person I know, and one of my friends that dated him agrees with me entirely. He was my first boyfriend. I have A LOT of damage after 8 years with that guy. My friend dated him for one year and is still in therapy about it.
Comment by Leucadie at 01/07/2020 at 13:09 UTC
1 upvotes, 1 direct replies
My emotionally abusive ex was also a big fan of projecting: he would routinely accuse me of doing to him all the things he was actually doing to me. Even instantaneously, when I would carefully sit down and try to calmly explain my feelings and asked that he not do a certain thing, he would immediately accuse me of doing that thing to him all the time. It was impossible to make any progress with our problems because his only response was basically "NUH UH YOU'RE THE MEAN ONE"