Gaslighting red flags

https://i.redd.it/oelqzf61a5851.jpg

created by reneecapri on 01/07/2020 at 01:00 UTC

38951 upvotes, 82 top-level comments (showing 25)

Comments

Comment by Inline311 at 01/07/2020 at 02:07 UTC

2636 upvotes, 14 direct replies

I still don’t have a clear understanding of what gaslighting is

Comment by [deleted] at 01/07/2020 at 04:09 UTC

666 upvotes, 10 direct replies

Gaslighting is a very real fork of abuse and my heart goes out to anybody else who has had to survive it. With that said- not a fan of this guide. Lots of stuff in there I’ve experienced in a relationship and my S/O was just very obtuse and lacked self awareness.

All I’m saying is— don’t use this guide to diagnose your relationship. Might be a good place to start your research but that’s all.

Comment by dillyflapper at 01/07/2020 at 02:09 UTC

621 upvotes, 4 direct replies

The term is apparently named after the 1938 play, Gas Light:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gas_Light

"The play's title alludes to how the abusive husband slowly dims the gas lights in their home, while pretending nothing has changed, in an effort to make his wife doubt her own perceptions."

Here I was trying to figure out what car gas lights had to do with anything.

Comment by [deleted] at 01/07/2020 at 01:42 UTC

146 upvotes, 7 direct replies

It’s bad when you’re gaslighted to the point where you apologize for them hitting you

Comment by Angel-Goldheart at 01/07/2020 at 03:35 UTC

142 upvotes, 7 direct replies

looks at my daily life*

Huh... that’s concerning

Comment by Stare_Decisis at 01/07/2020 at 04:47 UTC

44 upvotes, 3 direct replies

This guide does not actually demonstrate gas lighting.

Comment by PocketTurnip at 01/07/2020 at 01:44 UTC

197 upvotes, 12 direct replies

Reading this felt like reliving my former abusive relationship *in scary detial*

Comment by Oryyn at 01/07/2020 at 02:43 UTC

30 upvotes, 5 direct replies

I know this all too well - the MAIN reason I am severely depressed today from a breakup. I laugh everytime I realize all the BS I went thru, then I just cry a little cause I miss her (so that makes me an idiot).

Comment by throwaway17197 at 01/07/2020 at 02:25 UTC

93 upvotes, 4 direct replies

Got accused of gaslighting by my emotionally abusive ex, when he was doing it to me. blamed myself for ages.

Comment by [deleted] at 01/07/2020 at 03:50 UTC*

22 upvotes, 2 direct replies

[deleted]

Comment by T1T2GRE at 01/07/2020 at 01:08 UTC

125 upvotes, 7 direct replies

Raised by a BPD parent. Can confirm.

Comment by MiiSwi at 01/07/2020 at 01:55 UTC

65 upvotes, 4 direct replies

Can confirm, my dad’s the CEO of gaslighting

Comment by [deleted] at 01/07/2020 at 01:40 UTC

49 upvotes, 1 direct replies

[deleted]

Comment by raqwelson89 at 01/07/2020 at 02:54 UTC

9 upvotes, 1 direct replies

This is good. I just also recommend the book of "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It is more detailed and real story includes their.

Comment by [deleted] at 01/07/2020 at 04:35 UTC

33 upvotes, 4 direct replies

I'm constantly worried that I am or have been doing the wrong thing and hurting the people around me without knowing and they're all just too polite to say anything (like someone who is smelly) until eventually everyone wants nothing more to do with me and out of the blue (at least how I see it) I'm alone.

Having a look at this guide (and building up a bit of anxiety), I thought I'd give it a shot and see if I can reverse engineer it into a sort of 'are you gaslighting someone without knowing it?' guide. I'd appreciate feedback at least for myself on any of the points below.

Tips that you're gaslighting someone

Does your partner apologise instinctively when you have a disagreement?

Do you think your partner is overreacting or is too sensitive about the things you say or do?

Do you find yourself trying to get out of trouble for something you said or did?

Do you try or are you successfully changing your partners opinions about things?

Do you feel like your partner is sad more often than not after spending a lot of time with you?

Are you in charge of most of the decisions? Where you go and what you do?

Do you get cross if they spend money on something you disagree with?

Does your partner pause a lot before speaking to your, like they're collecting their thoughts?

Do you spend time convincing yourself that your actions were correct because of A, B and C?

Do you find your relationship is hot and cold, like you're all lovey-dovey one minute and the next you want nothing to do with them?

Comment by [deleted] at 01/07/2020 at 03:13 UTC

22 upvotes, 4 direct replies

My favorite was my ex husband asking me if I took my meds today if I was mad or upset with something he did. It got so bad I questioned every emotion I had and would ask him if I should be happy during joyful experiences or if I had a good reason to feel mad.

Comment by [deleted] at 01/07/2020 at 04:22 UTC

21 upvotes, 2 direct replies

This isn't gaslighting. This is just being manipulative. Gaslighting is specific behavior intentionally designed to deceive the victim into thinking they're misperceiving physical reality. Manipulative behavior like this is just being a subconscious asshole. Why call it gaslighting?

Comment by [deleted] at 01/07/2020 at 03:31 UTC

6 upvotes, 1 direct replies

[deleted]

Comment by MichaelTen at 01/07/2020 at 04:43 UTC

6 upvotes, 0 direct replies

/r/antipsychiatry

Comment by 515owned at 01/07/2020 at 04:44 UTC

8 upvotes, 0 direct replies

So if reddit... is gaslighting me?

Comment by q-squid at 01/07/2020 at 01:23 UTC

22 upvotes, 1 direct replies

Shit...Too much of this resonated with me...my mother has been gaslighting me...