44 upvotes, 1 direct replies (showing 1)
Hey OP. When you bring up something he does that bothers you, does it usually go like this?
" That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did... You deserved it. "
That is the narcissist's prayer. They will never apologize, and if they do, they'll simultaneously blame you. No real accountability. They can do no wrong. Other people don't get their jokes. Everyone's too soft. Everyone is overreacting. Everyone else is creating the issue (for simply stating their needs? for simply communicating something that bothers them?)
If this was a decent guy, he would be apologizing BIG TIME, not saying how you're sensitive or overreacting. This guy sucks. Leave him.
Comment by megsaidso at 09/01/2025 at 17:47 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I grew up with one. He was my first bully. Probably all of us kids, if not each other. He was so covert, none of us realized it was harmful until adulthood when we all had to unlearn that behavior and make amends with each other.
He would decide which one of us would get “picked on” and rope everyone else in on the “jokes.” In turn we all learned how to start the picking on each other in hopes of avoiding being the target. It all felt like silly harmless fun about music taste or hairdos, which society says is normal sibling rivalry, but it was being encouraged and manipulated by someone who just enjoyed being an asshole. It was an awful way to grow up.
Now in our late 20s through early 40s, we can all acknowledge that the amount of harm these “jokes” caused to every single one of us is immense, but if you ask him we’re all just too sensitive and don’t get his “humor.” None of his 5 adult children speak to him now.