3648 upvotes, 17 direct replies (showing 17)
Everyone who says 'it's just a joke' is almost automatically in the wrong. They said something rude and not funny, and rather than trying to do better they hide behind the 'joke'.
You are not overreacting, what your husband said was insensitive and frankly even a bit worrying.
Comment by KittyScholar at 09/01/2025 at 14:48 UTC
427 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Bullies love to claim "it's just a joke", but if not everyone is laughing, it's bullying.
And even if he does have a dark sense of humor, it's not like that's an innate trait he has no control over. Why is telling "jokes" no one is laughing at more important to him than be nice to his daughter and wife?
Comment by catslay_4 at 09/01/2025 at 14:21 UTC
682 upvotes, 1 direct replies
My ex did this profusely. A poor way to cover up a dick comment and gaslight you into thinking you overreacted and then it becomes your fault as opposed to theirs
Comment by circles_squares at 09/01/2025 at 14:28 UTC
308 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Exactly. Because even if it was supposed to be a joke, it failed, and a nicer person would apologize profusely for the bad joke.
He wasn’t joking and he sounds like a gaslighting asshole.
Comment by Elle3786 at 09/01/2025 at 15:33 UTC
54 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Even if something is intended as a joke, it’s not funny if the audience doesn’t think it’s funny. The partner who also uses leg braces is the intended audience; he SHOULD have realized this was not going to be well received.
But that’s best case, I also don’t think it was entirely a joke. It seems like he meant that his partner and daughter are not as lovely when they’re using the devices they need to be healthy. Which sucks, a lot of. Both deserve someone to love them as they are including disability and assistive devices if needed.
Comment by casanochick at 09/01/2025 at 15:36 UTC
46 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I had an ex that made a lot of "jokes," so I started asking him to explain what was funny. When you force them to explain themselves, suddenly they're not comedians anymore.
Comment by New-Geezer at 09/01/2025 at 15:48 UTC
30 upvotes, 0 direct replies
“It was just a joke” is gaslighting 101.
Comment by jx2002 at 09/01/2025 at 15:50 UTC
31 upvotes, 0 direct replies
As a dad of many wonderful girls, this is 100% correct and very much fucked up. WTF is wrong w this guy? What dad doesn't think their kids are great and beautiful, particularly when they're super small? This guy is waving the red flag as hard as possible.
He should be kissing that woman's ass and begging for forgiveness.
Comment by kateastrophic at 09/01/2025 at 14:41 UTC
111 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Right— I’d ask him to explain what was funny about the joke. There is zero humor there.
Comment by redneckrockuhtree at 09/01/2025 at 15:54 UTC
19 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Yep. "It's just a joke" is the way some people try to get away from having to acknowledge their comment was highly inappropriate, and push blame off onto someone else for "being offended."
The same kind of people "apologize" by saying "I'm sorry you were offended" which is doing the same - putting the fault on the person who heard the inappropriate comment, not the one who uttered it.
Comment by vampiratemirajah at 09/01/2025 at 16:04 UTC
17 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Have them explain the joke. What makes this statement funny? Step-by-step, explain it to me like I'm a child. Bc the actual child heard it, and regardless of whether or not they understand, they'll recognize the differed treatment in time.
Also, I'm sick of women being treated like fancy ornaments. This is probably a pivotal moment for OP's child, if they have the brace on for sleep only then it's likely corrective, and not something she has to wear forever. Like, shouldn't the dad be as ridiculously supportive as possible, to ensure that his daughter grows and/or heals properly??? Why was his first comment about her image???
Comment by doinmybest4now at 09/01/2025 at 15:57 UTC
13 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Jokes involve humor. 🚩
Comment by sloppyvegansalami at 09/01/2025 at 15:18 UTC
21 upvotes, 0 direct replies
“it’s just a joke. it’s just one of the most digestible and powerful forms of persuasive rhetoric my guy”
Comment by caro8 at 09/01/2025 at 17:02 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
My ex husband used to do this. "I'm just kidding." That doesn't undo the comment or how I felt when you said it. You said what you said and when the reaction wasn't what you expected you pull that out as a cover. Maybe don't say shitty things.
Comment by Effective_Pie1312 at 09/01/2025 at 15:50 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This, I find it helpful to share the response that would be acceptable in a scenario to model how I hope they respond in the future. For me it would be “I intended for it to be a joke. I now understand that it was not funny to you and therefore was in poor taste. I will not joke about this again as it does not reflect my true feelings. Our daughter and you are beautiful in my eyes”
Comment by Laziness_supreme at 09/01/2025 at 16:41 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
We have a saying in my house: it’s always a joke once I get mad.
Comment by used_my_kids_names at 09/01/2025 at 16:45 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I’d ask him to explain why it’s funny. I’d keep telling him I didn’t get it until he exhausted himself.
What a nasty man.
Comment by manickittens at 09/01/2025 at 16:54 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
My favorite response to this, when I’m feeling like riling things up, is to say (in my most genuine, confused tone of voice) “oh! Wait….i don’t get it. Can you explain the joke to me?’ Usually really gets under their skin even more.