224 upvotes, 7 direct replies (showing 7)
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Comment by JemimaAslana at 09/01/2025 at 14:17 UTC
269 upvotes, 3 direct replies
And he said it in front of you, so he'll say it front of her when she grows older and can understand.
I would suggest marriage or family counselling to attempt get him to understand how such things will affect your little girl - not to mention respect how it affects you.
Bottomline: you're not being unreasonable, feeling hurt by his words. He is being cruelly dismissive of you. Maybe he can still learn better, but if not, you may need to make some hard decisions at some point.
Comment by 321liftoff at 09/01/2025 at 14:10 UTC
108 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Tone matters, even when very young.
Comment by pasqals_toaster at 09/01/2025 at 14:36 UTC
64 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Children start comprehending the meaning of words and can react to them in as early as six months of age. They react to tone and attitude even earlier than 6 months. It still takes some more time for them to learn how to speak, but the basis of language is already taking shape.
Comment by Robodie at 09/01/2025 at 16:52 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
My father used to make shitty comments about me when I was young too. I remember some of them, and various other things, from well before I was a year old. I'm in my 40s now and those early memories are stronger than the ones from yesterday.
I was also born with hip dysplasia and had to wear a brace like this. Maybe that's why I remember earlier - plenty of time to sit around and think instead of running around being a kid, I dunno.
What I do know is that my father got worse towards me the older I got, and as soon as I was 18 I cut ties with him. Gave in 15+ years later when he was on his deathbed and we talked on the phone. I brought up what I remember him saying, and his response was "So what, were you expecting a big apology or something? That was never going to happen."
He died a few weeks later. (Good riddance.) I mourned not for him, but for the little girl that was never as good as her siblings. She was broken. She never had a chance.
You're not overreacting. I hope he can recognize the harm he is doing to his relationship with his daughter and with you, and change course. For everyone's sake.
Best wishes to you and your little girl.
P.S. Popping a hip out of socket becomes a fun thing to do when kids hit that "ooohhh gross do it again" stage. Take that, kid-who-flips-his-eyelids-inside-out!
Comment by Sxualhrssmntpanda at 09/01/2025 at 14:10 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Pfew, that's a relief. Still, I fully understand you would be upset with him for that, especially if you have a comparable situation yourself.
Comment by DreamCrusher914 at 09/01/2025 at 19:47 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
OP, this way of thinking doesn’t just come out of nowhere. How long have you been married? Looking back on it, has he ever said disparaging things to you, or does he say things in a way that make you feel bad about yourself?
No father should ever, ever, under no circumstances ever, say his children are ugly. It’s not funny. At all. His mask is slipping. I would keep a careful eye out for how he treats your daughter when they are alone together.
My daughter also had hip dysplasia when she was born and had to wear a leg brace (pavlik harness) for 3 months (6 weeks 24 hours a day, 6 weeks 12 hours a day). She was nothing but adorable from the moment she took her first breath (she’s currently twirling like a ballerina).
You are not over reacting and I believe you need to follow your gut because what he said was absolutely wrong, and your feelings on it are spot on.
Comment by Mean-Dragonfly at 09/01/2025 at 19:56 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
You need to ensure he cuts out those comments before she gets old enough to understand.
I had parents who would say mean things to me, make me cry, and then defend themselves by saying “it was just a joke, I didn’t know you’d get upset”. And I genuinely think they believed that, like they weren’t trying to hurt me, they just didn’t understand that children can’t pick up on sarcasm or irony and will feel more victimized by “banter” than adults.
As an adult I have several mental health issues including extremely low self esteem, and I’m not going to put that all down to my parents making fun of me, but it certainly didn’t help. I often wonder how I would have turned out if I had more supportive and emotionally intelligent parents.