22 upvotes, 2 direct replies (showing 2)
View submission: Do non-binary identities reenforce gender stereotypes?
Tomboys, femboys, femme girls, manly men
Do these labels really help? Someone will always be between one category and another. Why can't your sex and how you express yourself not be forced into a category at all?
If the goal is to move away from essentializing sex/gender, why would categorizing someone a femgirl (feminine woman) or femboy (feminized man) do anything other than reinforce the idea that there an essential characteristic one is moving towards in their expression of it?
What is your internal sense of who you are?
For the vast majority of people, sex is a biological reality that they operate from, while at the same time, not something they want to spend time actively considering/weighing. The freest form of oneself is generally to operate non-ideologically and just be.
When it's clear others will now judge you for the choice, suddenly what you are can now create pressure around that choice whereas most people want to express themselves without having to justify what they are or explain what category they fall within. Thus, being non-binary in theory helps with expansiveness and self-expression, but in practice now you have to stand outside of social norms and deal with what an expression such as this means. The people who will choose this path are likely those that have rather strong feelings about gender ideology. Those that don't are left with the choice of not doing so, almost implying acceptance of "traditional" roles that now they have to actively step outside of as opposed to being allowed to freely move around within.
Comment by noize_grrrl at 12/01/2025 at 11:35 UTC
14 upvotes, 3 direct replies
Oh, sorry if it wasn't clear, obviously you don't have to be a category at all! Usage of specific terms can help, and it was not meant in an exclusionary sense.
Categorising someone *else* as a particular gender or type of gender expression isn't really a thing, I mean it's something people should tell you about themself, well it's good manners anyway for a person to be the one to tell you personal things about themself. (As a sidenote, using "sex/gender" implies the terms are interchangeable, however they are not.)
Sex is your physical body and hormone expression. Gender expression is your outward self-representation, how you express your gender, how you function in terms of social roles, etc. And of course there's the internal sense of gender.
For most people these things all align and so no thought at all goes into it - these people are referred to as "cis", and Latin prefix meaning "on the same side."
Not all people have this experience, and don't have the luxury of being able to put little to no thought into it. How freeing it would be, as you said, not to! (Yet I'm sure there's a quote somewhere about the unexamined life...) Where the body's sex doesn't match with your internal gender sense, that is referred to as "trans", or "on the other side."
I wish I could share your sense of comfort at not having to justify who I am or explain. For me, I have to always choose between going through the patient explanation like untangling Christmas lights, or deal with never really being quite known, not being able to simply be myself. It feels like wearing someone else's skin, it's awful.
I find it curious that you are talking about "now" standing outside of social norms - you must realise that these norms are painful to some, and stepping outside is like a breath of fresh air. Yes, other people can be tiring. It is what it is, and it's better than the feeling of suffocation.
One thing I fail to see though, is how some people identifying as nonbinary limits the gender expression of people who aren't. They can freely move around within their genders, too, and are free to choose not to give a flying rat's if they so choose.
Comment by Kailynna at 12/01/2025 at 12:33 UTC
4 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Thus, being non-binary in theory helps with expansiveness and self-expression, but in practice now you have to stand outside of social norms and deal with what an expression such as this means. The people who will choose this path are likely those that have rather strong feelings about gender ideology.
You're not understanding at all. Think of it like "choosing" to be gay. Could you suddenly choose to be a lesbian - or if you are one, choose to be straight? In the same way, a non-binary or trans person is not choosing this identity, it's simply who they are. If someone asks people to use the pronouns they are more comfortable with, that's not choosing to be trans or non-binary, that's simply letting people know their preference.
I didn't even know the word gender, much less have any ideology, when I first came to terms, as best I could, with my identity.