23 upvotes, 6 direct replies (showing 6)
View submission: Do non-binary identities reenforce gender stereotypes?
How do you know if you feel like a man, woman, or non-binary without believing in gender stereotypes?
What is being a man or woman meant to feel like?
Comment by Every_Single_Bee at 12/01/2025 at 17:36 UTC*
3 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I just ask “do either of these categories feel right” and my honest internal response to that question is “no”. Again, I accept that that feels insufficient, but I don’t think it is because this question can be asked to anyone and I don’t believe most people could give a better response really, even if they identify fully and exclusively as a man or woman.
Like, do you feel like your gender? I assume you do, I assume it connects with you on some level and feels right, that you feel like you know “I am this”. You don’t really know what it’s like to be anything else, do you? How could you? You’d have to be that way to fully know that you know what it’s like, and until you are, you couldn’t just tell someone of another gender what that internal experience is like and have them go “oh yes okay I get this completely”. And yet, you still know that when you say “this is my gender”, it feels right. Even with a framework where you only accept two genders, that would still be the same. That’s how it is for me except it’s a situation where nothing I’m presented with actually feels right, except “nonbinary”. At no point do personality traits or roles even come into it, so any stereotyping feels irrelevant by virtue of not being necessary to explain it.
Obviously you could just come down on hard-determining gender as synonymous with biology, but that seems deeply flawed unless you’re just willing to ignore all the infinite ways gender has little to do with any state of nature. We recognize masculinity and femininity as things people can feel while also accepting that neither of those things nor any traditional or accepted signifiers of either are actually gender-locked, so there’s clearly more going on (check out “I’m a Man” by Jobriath, one of if not the first openly gay mainstream pop artists in US culture). Once someone accepts that that door is already open and always has been, gender becomes obviously malleable and that level of rigidity feels incorrect on the face of it (many successful indigenous societies were matriarchies, men used to wear dresses as markers of masculinity, etc). So if “man” and “woman” are concepts that transcend bio sex to such a significant degree, hitching them to it feels not just insufficient or pedantic but just genuinely incorrect. The only reason to do so would be to make a very messy and nuanced topic artificially simple at a severe cost of accuracy.
Comment by SydowJones at 12/01/2025 at 17:59 UTC
4 upvotes, 2 direct replies
You know by field testing. Lots, and lots, and lots of field testing:
When you're invited to a girl's night out, do you feel like that's a fit for you? If you're not invited to a girl's night out, do you feel jealous?
When you go to a school dance and the boys are all on one side and the girls are all on the other, do you feel uneasy about where to go?
Does the assumption that others make that you're one of the guys or one of the girls make you feel tension, overlooked, or like you're a fraud?
Do you feel conflicted and uncomfortable when assigned to a women-only or men-only dorm in college?
When reading or listening, do you mentally edit "they" in place of generic "he" and the less frequent generic "she"?
Do you avoid dinners and parties where the men and the women self-segregate into separate conversations?
And how about those omnipresent binary public restrooms? And shoe stores, clothing stores, sporting goods stores, athletics leagues, dance classes, etc.
Feel weird and on edge going out to a typical bar or club?
Gravitate more and more to nonbinary and queer groups and events?
Have kids, and feel a knot of tension in your stomach before every interaction with gender normative parents and parenting groups and events?
If you answered yes to any of these, well, you might be a nonbinary.
Comment by cmstyles2006 at 12/01/2025 at 13:13 UTC
3 upvotes, 1 direct replies
As a not very girly girl who is very happy to be a girl, hmm... Maybe just a sense of rightness? Like the body I have and the social role I occupy fit to me.
I also do think most woman and men have some differences to their personalities that are gendered. This is partially because when I meet women and men that break that mold, it's always a bit noticeable and a surprise.
Not rlly arguing any side, just trying to add stuff
Comment by redroserequiems at 12/01/2025 at 21:01 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Gender euphoria. I feel happy called every pronoun. It's as simple as that. I wear dresses. I am pretty girly. Still nonbinary.
Comment by bigboymanny at 12/01/2025 at 16:50 UTC
0 upvotes, 0 direct replies
An interest in pursuing your idea of your ideal man or woman. Or valuing manhood or womanhood as a core part of your identity id assume. I don't know I'm not a man or a woman.
Comment by Admirable-Ad7152 at 13/01/2025 at 14:18 UTC
0 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I feel better when I get to say I'm nonbinary than when I'm in a room with strangers and have to default to woman so i'm not treated poorly. That's it. But that's really evil to you guys, apparently?