12 upvotes, 3 direct replies (showing 3)
View submission: Do non-binary identities reenforce gender stereotypes?
To me it's clear that people who choose a nonbinary label intend to do so from with the purpose of creating more expansive/accepting forms view of self-expression. However, I don't think it has that effect. The better choice would be to frame expression that present greater possibility and fluidity within existing frameworks, giving them more complexity. In creating new "nonbinary" categories, you necessarily takes a more a deterministic and essentialist view of what it means to be a gender by virtue of stating that to express yourself, you need to step outside of it altogether, leaving those who don't choose to do so on the other side of the fence.
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Another example I want to evoke as a vignette about how this works. A queer woman I dated repeatedly asked me "how are you not queer?!?" since a lot of my worldviews are quite flexible and my way of expressing myself (outside of dress) is not shaped by expectations of sex roles within society. For her, open-mindedness was inherently tied to alternative gender expression.
In the early 2010's, before nonbinary/queerness became more common, I got a lot of interest from people who presented as what we'd call queer now despite dressing pretty vanilla. At the time, those communities cross-pollinated with regular communities quite a lot. These days, I'm mostly filtered out as a cis-white man, both on dating app and in-person interactions. The only interest I seem to spark is if someone gets to know me personally, through friends of friends or something like that.
To me, it's clear the direction things are going and it's not towards more expansiveness or openness. We're categorizing/labeling ourselves and others, siloing ourselves from others in the process.
Comment by dreagonheart at 12/01/2025 at 11:35 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
"To me it's clear that people who choose a nonbinary label intend to do so from with the purpose of creating more expansive/accepting forms view of self-expression."
That's not the point of "choosing a nonbinary label"/being nonbinary. That's the point of advocating for the expansion of acceptable self-expression, a thing that many nonbinary people are also actively doing. But being nonbinary isn't about how we express externally. I was raised by a very gender-nonconforming woman; I've never had any issues with self-expression and would have very happily and confidently lived as a soft butch woman *if I were a woman.* But I'm not.
The point of the nonbinary label is to bring to modern English the vocabulary for an experience that has been known across many times and many cultures, that is, not fitting neatly into the categories "man" and "woman".
Also, if you think that the direction we're going is TOWARDS "siloing ourselves from others"... have you paid any attention to what things were like in the 50s? We have made SO much progress in that respect. And gender nonconformity has only become more normalized since the 2010s. A man wore a dress on the cover of Vogue. Tom Holland did drag and it wasn't even treated as that big of a deal. The only back-tracking has been pushed by the people who hate nonbinary people to begin with.
Like, I'm sorry that the people in your personal experience haven't been great, but that doesn't change the overall flow of social change, or the causes that the larger community are pushing for.
Comment by ooros at 12/01/2025 at 10:25 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Well you have fun with that, I'll be over here hanging out with my nice friends and family that don't get hung up on labels (both having or not having them). It's actually very nice here, and there are even lots of cis guys because cis guys are cool just like all the other genders are cool. We also don't question anyone's identity regardless of how they present or act.
I hope you find some kinder people, sorry the ones you've encountered seem to be the dregs. Good luck out there.
Comment by redroserequiems at 12/01/2025 at 20:59 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
So according to you I'm just a confused woman who doesn't want to be called a woman because I always wear dresses and just want to expand what woman means.