112 upvotes, 3 direct replies (showing 3)
Been there, done that. Really messes with your head.
Comment by StefanL88 at 16/12/2021 at 07:00 UTC
16 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I've had to watch it happen. I had Friend A tell me what Friend B was doing amounts to gaslighting them. FB was actually trying to get FA to see the harm they were causing, which they were in denial about due to their victim mentality (I'm being hurt here so how can I be responsible?).
I was on FA's side until I got the other half of the story from FB. FA wasn't entirely at fault for the situation but they were throwing fuel on the fire, claiming to be the victim because they got burned, and then crying "gaslighting" when someone pointed out the Jerry can in their hands and the other burn victims.
Things just spiralled from there. Sometimes you need to accept that just because someone needs (and deserves) help doesn't mean you are able to help them, especially not if they are going to fight you when you try.
Comment by Rarefatbeast at 16/12/2021 at 04:00 UTC
2 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Someone gaslighting them could be doing it out of good intentions, or possibly even lying to themselves about it (believing they remember it differently and telling the person they are gaslighting them).
I'm not sure on the hard definition but OP is still right either way, they could be using it as a means to manipulate the person into rethinking that they are doing something to manipulate, whether that's a conscious attempt or subconscious one.
Either way, this discussion is too meta, it's making me confused.
Comment by PopPop-Captain at 16/12/2021 at 13:42 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Yeah my ex used to gas light me like crazy and then when I’d cry or get angry she’d tell me I was manipulating her. The beginning and middle of our relationship was awesome but at the end she caused me so much mental torment.