-1 upvotes, 2 direct replies (showing 2)
View submission: Not into the sex — are we doomed?
I think his inability to attain consent from you for these acts is a huge red flag. Everyone has their kinks, but he's not respecting you.
I am only going to give this suggestion for your benefit, because I can understand how you are thinking. And I can make assumptions about how he thinks.
Both of your sex languages are different. That's not necessarily bad, but you both need to consent to the love language of the other person. Which would be compromise on what you are both comfortable compromising with.
I'm not saying to give in on things you're against doing. Do not do that. I'm saying that if you're fine with some of his desires, as long as he also meets your needs, that could be a compromise. Hypothetical example: you could suggest that he start sensual and kind. Then when you've had ___ amount of satisfaction, then he can talk dirty and play out (edit: SOME of) his fantasy. That way you both get your needs met.
"Half" the experience will be pleasant to you, "half" will be pleasant to him. (Realistically you'd still both enjoy the entire thing, because you're both able to speak each other's "love language")
I only suggest this as an alternative to 100% your way or his way. Neither of you should feel pressured to do anything you don't want to do. And if this is unacceptable for either of you, (or if consent and boundaries are not respected), it would be time to end the relationship. Even though you both love each other. It's perfectly valid to break up with someone you love and care about. But you probably already understand that.
Comment by Ok_Animator6428 at 21/01/2025 at 03:26 UTC
3 upvotes, 1 direct replies
So. We totally had this conversation and he tried but I swear he just does not know how or doesn’t have the patience for it. We have never made love. I am not a sissy but I’ve had amazing sex in my life in he simply doesn’t know how. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this.
Comment by Realistic-Side1746 at 26/01/2025 at 18:43 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Something the "sex positive" crowd has a tough time acknowledging is that some people aren't satisfied just "playing" and are only really satisfied when their partner is NOT having a good time. It's entirely possible he wants op to feel like shlt during sex. Based on op's reply to you, I'd wager he's that kind.