116 upvotes, 4 direct replies (showing 4)
View submission: How often to visit elderly grandparents?
More frequently than just Christmas, less often than once a week - whatever between those two extremes works with your lifestyle. They'll always want you to visit more. You'll always feel obligated. Then about 3 or 4 years after they are gone you'll wish you'd have spent a bit more time with them.
So my advice pick once a month or what works for you - and make sure to make the visit count. Don't just drop in, say hi, chat for a few and then leave. Take them on an "adventure" if possible - even just going out for lunch at somewhere they either haven't been or somewhere they love. Ask them about their stories and document their early lives and what they remember about THEIR older relatives while you can. Go over some old photos - print out and take them some copies of YOUR favorite new photos and tell them YOUR stories.
Then leave and have a free conscience after planing the next future visit.
Comment by Lazy_Mood_4080 at 28/11/2024 at 22:10 UTC
20 upvotes, 1 direct replies
This is a perfect answer.
At age 39, I had 4 grandparents. Now at 45, I have one left. Plan something interactive while they still have good mental acuity. Take pictures.
I'm sure you could internet search "fun activities with elderly frail senior citizens" or something like that. Make the time you spend with them COUNT, so it's something that you look forward to. Monthly or every 6 weeks. Connect. Listen to their stories.
And live your life and don't feel guilty that you aren't there more. Maybe halfway between visits, plan a quick FaceTime, use the time to plan your next activity?
No matter what, when they are gone you will have regrets. Make memories now, less regret later. You are shaping your final memories of them over the next few years.
Comment by hearonx at 01/12/2024 at 22:57 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Show up with a dessert item and coffee from a special place (MadDonald's is special if they're limited enough on movement). It is a good mid-morning treat or afternoon break, and it will be something they like.
I used to do this, and it was always a hit. TCBY, just anything special and different from the weekly menu is a pleasant change for them, and having someone show up is more of a treat than you know.
Comment by robot_pirate at 29/11/2024 at 05:03 UTC*
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Fantastic advice. I'd also chime in to offer to help them with anything fangled or complicated around their house. Remotes, phones, settings on appliances, etc. So often they just make do and muddle thru, which can be demoralizing and exhausting. Also - add novelty. My inlaws love when we introduce new shows, new foods, new gadgets, etc. They get in a rut since they are overwhelmed with too many choices, too much complexity, rely on same old, same old. It's like they need a concierge or a cruise ship fun coordinator to point them to what's good or easy.
Comment by Potato_Donkey_1 at 28/11/2024 at 23:11 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This is a great answer, but I also think this isn't something where you can decide a schedule for a relationship. I think your answer to this question will change as your life and their lives change.
Between visits, consider sending cute greeting cards with a little personal note, just a bit of news or a shared memory.