Comment by lazydictionary on 16/12/2020 at 15:29 UTC

1714 upvotes, 7 direct replies (showing 7)

Other highlights from that thread:

My friends sister laid a huge turd in the toilet. She couldn’t get it to flush. So she just casually strolls into kitchen while me and my buddy are watching Friday night videos, and grabs a pocket knife from the junk drawer. Goes back towards the bathroom, my buddy is hey what the eff you need a knife for? So she says the toilet won’t flush. Their dad hears this jumps up and runs down to bathroom and screams who the shit this turd. Which brings mom into the bathroom she freaks out.

Now all 5 of us are in the throne room in admiration of her magnificent turd. The dad asks what is the knife for and his sister goes it’s what I use to cut them. Yeah that’s what she said. It was silent until her mom asked how long have you been cutting turds with that knife, I am dying my friend is in tears, well since we are all here I guess the secret is out so I get massive turds on my period mom. So for about six years mom. She goes to leave and her dad grabs her and says cut the cheese sweet pea and that’s your knife now. That’s it I can’t breathe I am laughing so hard. She is in tears her mom is mortified and her dad was trying to be supportive, my buddy and I are being total jackasses.

Her dad pulls us aside and threatened to kick the shit out us if a word of sir turdly of bummertown gets out of the house. We never said a word about it outside of their house but we were brutal to here at home.

https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/7p8puq/light_i_was_22_years_old_when_i_learned_that_not/dsg4jue

One day in my college lecture class the guy next to me leans over and whispers "You ever heard of the poop cutter?" Caught off guard I say no. He replied "I'll tell you what I'm going to do for you. I'm going to push out a turd, but only half way. Then I'm going to cut the turd off with the power of my sphincter. After that I'll shimmy it down my pant leg til it drops on the floor. When class is over that steamy gem is all yours. Enjoy."

He never said another word to me all semester.

https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/7p8puq/light_i_was_22_years_old_when_i_learned_that_not/dsg4axj

Replies

Comment by clver_user at 16/12/2020 at 17:37 UTC

1275 upvotes, 2 direct replies

“I tell you what I’m going to do for you.”

Comment by Vendetta2112 at 14/05/2021 at 10:46 UTC

242 upvotes, 5 direct replies

Well, it does happen. When my daughter was born, she very nearly died from a hole in her diaphragm, they had to remove all her insides about 12 hours after she was born. The doctor said they would have to remove her colon, fix the hole and put everything back in. 50% of the kids don't make it, 75% of those that live have lifelong problems, like a colostomy bag. I was freaked out to say the least! She survived, seemed ok, but as a baby her poops were painful and she would cry big time. We found out they were getting stuck. So even when potty trained, there were times when we had to go in and rub her belly and sit with her until it passed, and yes, eventually had to help a massive poop get unstuck! I was horrified by the size of the poop in a toddlers bum!! Oh the things we do for our kids!! She took some meds and grew out of it (is that even a pun?) And yes, sometimes the toilet got stuck! And no, it is NOT something a young girl wants to hear mentioned, EVER! I know my story isn't funny, but it's true, and at least she grew up, she's okay and she survived