94 upvotes, 1 direct replies (showing 1)
View submission: Where Is All the Sad Boy Literature?
Speaking as a young man, I’ve often been frustrated trying to talk to other men my age about deeper topics or actually communicating about our feelings, wants, needs, etc. I bring this up because a large part of it stems from what you mentioned about young men being too focused on “the grind,” self-improvement, acquiring wealth, etc. It’s not a mindset that really allows for much emotional depth or exploration.
I have a friend who is a bit like this. He’s not so engrossed in it that he’s become toxic or anything, but he’s gotten involved with this other guy who’s put all this life coach/influencer type of ideas in his head. Suddenly he’s talking to me about acquiring generational wealth and setting life goals and such and such.
It’s just, I don’t want a life coach, y’know? I want a friend who I can share my joys and sorrows with, who I can support and be supported by, who I can be affectionate with. I don’t want to always be on “the grind” and live by this super materialistic mindset.
Literature, to some degree or another, generally involves exploring emotions and, for the author, making yourself at least somewhat vulnerable, consciously or unconsciously. Like you said, that’s difficult for men to do (and for other men to appreciate when reading books) when they’re all focused on material self-improvement and whatnot.
I don’t want to come off as arrogant or narcissistic, but lately I’ve gotten the impression that I’m a little more emotionally aware than a lot of men my age. Part of the reason why I frequent this sub is that I lack the sort of conversations that occur in here in my real life.
It’s a very lonely feeling.
Comment by Beard_of_Valor at 22/02/2025 at 02:24 UTC
27 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I feel like my friends are super good for talking about deeper things and feelings, but every modern technology introduces one way it can go wrong. Discussing on Discord? Someone joins and wants to play a game (understandable). Our availability reduces how much space we give the serious topics. Discussing in person? Getting texts. Discussing in texts? Fucking memes. Particularly reactionary memes from people who don't understand their emotions groping for dopamine *during* the serious conversation.
This isn't a very serious issue for my friend group, but we're Millennials. In grade school we used card catalogs to find books in the library. In middle school we had different favorite search engines. By high school Google had won. T9word before physical keyboards before touch screens. Our lives took shape and found rhythms and we integrated technology into those rhythms.
For the online-native Zoomers and Alpha I have no fucking idea how space can be created to just be fully present face to face talking about difficult issues one on one or in a small group. I think anxiety avoidance has become a kind of art across many generations, but Zoomers and Alpha have new or different things that make them anxious. I'm comfortable making and receiving phone calls (I text first; I'm not a monster). I'm comfortable having a one on one conversation with another man alone or in public. I'm comfortable leading a conversation about a serious topic in a group setting. I'm comfortable confronting my friends and explaining from a philosophical standpoint what they're leaving on the table by engaging in problematic behavior. I'm comfortable shit talking my parents and community leaders and their parents (for specific behaviors, not condemning them as people). I think the social media urge to have a flawless "brand" makes risk tolerance extremely low socially for kids.