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View submission: Tuesday Check In: How's Everybody's Mental Health?
Ehhhh 4.5/10. I've still been worse
Got back on Bumble and Hinge. Couple of matches on the first few days, followed by very little. I think I was, maybe, subconsciously expecting things to be better than when I first tried it back in (fuck) 2020. Better pics, better place in life, better hygiene, better mentality, I'm just a better person than I was back then. Still not good enough. Fuck. FUCK.
Oof, not good for my brain. I'm gonna die alone goddammit
Anyway, got a new job in my field after graduating, and it's my first time working full time. Wasn't my intention, but a job is a job and I'm only on contract for a few weeks, so I figured "why not?" And things are going well, overall. The way I'm handling things is good, the work is... a lot, manageable and not overly stress or anxiety-inducing. I'm *really* looking forward to getting my first paycheck, too.
It's up and down, but at the end of the day I'm still not quite happy. This was supposed to be the goal? I was expecting things to be better, things are just the same but busier. J'm eating bad because I want to treat myself after a long day of work, I'm working out less for the same reasons.
What the fuck do I even want? More than once I've toyed with the idea of going to see an escort (legal and regulated here, so I can keep the exploitation to a minimum) or just caving in and telling me parents that they can get me an arranged marriage (fraught for a whole other range of reasons, but I've seen it work out okay for some people).
Look at all this garbage, why the fuck would *anyone* want to be with all this, eh? Fuck.
I guess I just need to figure out how to live well while also working so much, because just working isn't good enough, and working + being my usual lazy self seems to be a formula for depression.
There's nothing here!