https://www.reddit.com/r/MensLib/comments/1is5w4b/tuesday_check_in_hows_everybodys_mental_health/
created by MLModBot on 18/02/2025 at 06:00 UTC
49 upvotes, 27 top-level comments (showing 25)
Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki[1] (also located in the sidebar!) ***(IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then*** ***please don't hesitate to let us know!***[2]***)***
1: https://www.reddit.com/r/MensLib/wiki/sidebar/resources_for_men
2: https://new.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/MensLib
Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.
Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.
Comment by AutoModerator at 18/02/2025 at 06:00 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
If you are in crisis, are considering hurting yourself or someone else, or feel like you can't go on, we advise you to contact your local emergency services, go to the nearest emergency room, or mental health crisis evaluation centre[1]. If that seems too scary or difficult right now, please consider calling a suicide hotline[2] for support. You matter and should get the help you deserve.
1: https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
2: https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines
For help developing a safety plan, please consult this PDF.[3] Therapy can also be a good support resource. Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to be struggling to seek out therapy! We all need a supportive ear sometimes! If you are considering therapy but don't know where to start, we recommend taking a look at Psychology Today[4], International Therapist Directory[5], or OpenCounseling[6] for a provider in your country or, if in the US, contacting your nearest branch of the National Alliance on Mental Illness[7] Buzzfeed has also published an informative article[8] about what happens when you call a suicide hotline, for those who might feel hesitant. You matter and your life is absolutely worth it. Be kind to yourself.
4: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/counsellors
5: https://internationaltherapistdirectory.com/
6: https://www.opencounseling.com/
7: https://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI
8: https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/carolinekee/what-happens-when-you-call-suicide-hotline
9: /message/compose/?to=/r/MensLib
Comment by Zomburai at 18/02/2025 at 14:06 UTC
22 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I really need everything to just stop for like a week
That's all I ask
Just a week where I can just *be*
Comment by TheOtherHalfofTron at 18/02/2025 at 18:19 UTC
19 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Not awesome. Haven't been sleeping well, can't keep myself from doomscrolling. Feels like the other shoe is going to drop at any point.
Comment by ImYoric at 18/02/2025 at 17:13 UTC
18 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Let me think. The world has gone crazy. The US has given Russia the explicit permission to start World War III. People actually believe the AI hype. I've lost esteem for my manager, but the job market is pretty bad. My dating life is non-existent. My kid is exhausting. In about two years, we'll most likely get a president who admires fascists.
Probably the worst part is that I feel powerless to stop the dark wave.
Comment by chemguy216 at 18/02/2025 at 20:43 UTC*
17 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I’m processing that a good friend of mine very likely was grooming a 15 year old.
It’s easy to be on the outside of the situation and objectively judge it. When you know and like the person being accused, especially if you don’t know the victim, it’s hard to push past the emotional baggage and respond to your logical brain.
Update: found out more details, **which still aren’t good**.
My friend fell for a ruse from a predator hunter group that’s been operating across the state since 2018 and has supposedly led to the arrest of over 500 people.
He received a message on the app, Daddy Hunt, from an “18 year old” (abbreviating further as 18yo).They chatted for a while and had phone sex with the 18yo. They at some point exchanged phone numbers and remained in contact. At some point, the 18yo admitted that he wasn’t actually 18 and was 15, soon to be 16.
My friend remained in contact with the “kid” for a while. I wasn’t exactly sure from the sloppy presentation of the predator group’s confrontation video if they had further flirtatious/sexual conversation after that point, but it’s not a good look, to say the absolute least, to maintain contact with a minor you met on a sex/relationship app.
Where things get worse than what I’ve already laid out is that during the video as my friend was being questioned by this group, some of his answers were disturbing. When confronted with the fact that he continued talking to the fake kid after the latter admitted to being 15, my friend responded, “What was I supposed to do?” When pressed about the ongoing communication, my friend on more than one occasion said, “I thought he was 16.” That pretty much speaks for itself.
It hurts because he was one of my first new friends when I moved to my current city, and he’s been so kind and caring to me.
Comment by Speedwizard106 at 18/02/2025 at 06:31 UTC
12 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Been on this mental health journey for about a month now. Got evaluated by a psychologist and was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety, and other depressive disorder. I also got a provisional ADHD diagnosis. Just saw a psychiatrist yesterday and she prescribed me anxiety meds. And I had my first therapy session. Feeling hopeful.
All told, I’d owe almost $3000 if not for my insurance. Makes me think of all the people who could benefit from this care but simply can’t afford it.
Comment by Cheap_Fishing_7232 at 18/02/2025 at 20:05 UTC
13 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Last night I had something of a meltdown to myself. I know this has been talked to death about in this sub but I’m so ashamed of how I hurt people with my privilege, and how women were likely hurt during my state of ignorance before I knew about this. I almost felt as if I took myself out, there would be one less oppressor to bother people I guess. And I feel like I have OCD over this topic, when I was religious I used to obsess over if certain things were sins or not. Now im asking myself, does benefiting from patriarchy make me a bad person? Was I always a bad person? Am I even allowed to be happy?
Sorry this is sort of an incoherent rant, and I am where aware I’m a privileged little shit but I just don’t know where else to share.
Comment by unknownentity1782 at 18/02/2025 at 13:57 UTC
11 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Scared.
My wife is manic-depressive. Her treatment is wearing off, and doesn't get renewed until the 28th. One time this happened, I had to check her into a mental health clinic for a few days after she tried to kill herself. Another time it happened, our relationship almost died.
On top of that, I'm not even sure if we can afford her treatment. Her insurance said they'd cover it, but none of the places that do it accept her insurance.
And then I have the nagging fear about RFK and his "wellness camps" aka "labor camps," and if they'll take her away for that BS.
Comment by Economy_Judge_5087 at 18/02/2025 at 14:39 UTC
12 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Just found this sub and really feeling pleased to have done so.
Comment by spacemechanic at 18/02/2025 at 16:47 UTC
12 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Brother, I’m hopeless as fuck. Every device I used to get to this point in my career is being crumbled behind me. As someone who gives talks to students that look and sounds like me, I’m at a loss for words and a unifying message to pass on to them that they’ll achieve the stuff that I’ve done.
Comment by nabab at 18/02/2025 at 13:59 UTC
24 upvotes, 2 direct replies
I'm a trans man, and I'm really struggling to cope with all the hate being thrown at us here in the US. Even though I'm lucky enough to have supportive people around me, my heart just hurts all the time
Comment by cruelmalice at 18/02/2025 at 08:41 UTC
11 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Poor. I found out my job is potentially on the cutting block for DOGE. I think my workplace bully, a 58 year old lady, may have lied by claiming I worked on something related to DEI. I wish I were joking.
I vented about this to my crush, and I think she may have lost interest.
Comment by SJ_skeleton at 18/02/2025 at 21:02 UTC
10 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Accepted an offer letter for a new job today after almost 2 years of searching. I’m very lucky that I managed to find work when the funding for public health research is collapsing right now. The 33% salary increase from my last job is a very welcome change to my long stint in unemployment.
It’s the first job I’ve gotten since I finally got my legal name and gender marker changed so I won’t be worrying about a coworker seeing my dead name on my work ID.
I live in a super progressive area so I’m comfortable with people knowing, and I usually just tell people myself. That information being up to my own discretion at work is still a huge relief.
Comment by Initial_Zebra100 at 18/02/2025 at 06:33 UTC
10 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Oddly flat. Neither happy nor sad, vague but hard to explain. Yesterday was a huge personal success, and yet today I feel.. fine? I think it felt lesser because I didn't have anyone to celebrate it with, maybe.
I guess it also feels like bragging even if I worked hard. Like I want to tell everyone, but I'm still annoyingly trying to be reserved and humble. It's holding me back.
I am atrying to challenge those ingrained beliefs. Difficult with a negative insecure bias to work with.
Comment by Wooden-Many-8509 at 18/02/2025 at 22:46 UTC
8 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Well my therapist diagnosed me with OCD. Not the typical kind portrayed by the media where I obsess over a niche thing or being a neat freak. What I obsess over shifts over time but it is very damaging to my life. I don't eat, don't sleep, lose friends, lose jobs..it has been a nightmare of a life.
But treatment for the short period of time since diagnosis has shown improvement. So I'm actually rather hopeful today.
Comment by lydiardbell at 18/02/2025 at 16:32 UTC
10 upvotes, 0 direct replies
It's hard to maintain an interest in therapy where the choices on my insurance are CBT implemented in a way that differs from "that's a crazy way to think. Just stop being delusional!" only in wording; and ACT implemented in a way that differs from "just suck it up and get over it" only in wording. I can get the latter from my racist uncle and the former from my anti-feminist and anti-environmentalist second cousin, for free. And, despite all of our differences and the incompatibilities in our worldviews and psyches they'd also probably try harder to understand my perspective than any therapist has.
Oh, I forget, there's also free therapy in my area - by and for very conservative Baptists.
Comment by HeroPlucky at 18/02/2025 at 17:28 UTC
9 upvotes, 0 direct replies
After having on going process of bureaucracy/ paperwork that triggers my anxiety / maybe trauma responses as I require this to be successful to be able to survive day to day. I found out my previously ex now someone I consider a really good friend / one of best friends died, kind of shock and still not processing it fully I don't think few days later. Honestly I don't have great experience with grief (which is good thing). As if that wasn't enough on the same day I found out about my friend , my dad had two pulmonary embolisms even though our relationship isn't in best spot doesn't mean I want him to die.
Just feeling bit battered by life at moment. Just feeling bit empty and lost at times. All this have made my health issues worse which is the cherry on top.
Comment by smallangrynerd at 18/02/2025 at 21:41 UTC
8 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Finally saw my therapist today, and she said something important:
Sometimes, the world just sucks, and there’s not much you can do about it. When that happens, you need to make your own joy.
I can’t get stuck worrying about things I can’t control. They’ll happen whether I’m paying attention or not. Instead I need to focus that energy on myself and those directly around me.
Comment by wolftamer9 at 18/02/2025 at 20:33 UTC
7 upvotes, 1 direct replies
How the fuck do I get over a long-time crush that's gotten more... intense, lately? I don't have experience with not just being able to get over someone. For context this is a very good friend who's not available for a variety of reasons, and I'm 90+% sure isn't interested. I've been thinking a lot about reddit threads about what it's like to be attractive and not be sure about people's intentions with you, or hearing about what trauma many autistic women go through, and knowing this person has had *something* bad happen to them, I very much don't want to be another creep in their life.
And maybe it's okay because I'm exerting self-control and not dumping these feelings on them, but the sheer intensity of the crush, the unrealistic idealizing, the frustration and internal anxiety, it's amplified by the fact that their new music is *very* good and I've been listening to it a lot, and the fact that I don't have anyone or anything to get excited about in my life right now, and I keep looping and spiraling mentally, and I'd like for it to stop please.
Also I'm mulling over an action/horror story about disability and mental health issues, and I'm frustrated over the fact that if I can't figure out my own life, I can't actually come up with an ending that answers the question of how you can be stunted and blocked by disability and not eventually give into despair. Any answers like "the magic was in you all along"/"your disability is actually your superpower" feel like a trite, feel-good cop-out, while something like "we get by by supporting each other" sounds compelling, but I don't have an experience that backs up any given answer.
Comment by World_Champion_Bro at 19/02/2025 at 02:36 UTC
9 upvotes, 3 direct replies
I have been putting huge amounts of effort into finding a partner for 2+ years now, without having ever gotten into a relationship in that time period. I work on my personality, I try to read and journal every single day. I went back to finish school to pursue an engineering degree to find a better career (I graduate in May, and I have held down a job the entire time I've been in school still). I try to lift weights 3x a week and to do a full cardio session at least 1x a week. I research and spend decently on skincare, haircuts, and fashion. Yet, it never seems to be enough to be chosen by women.
And this utter defeat has turned me into a hateful cynic. I feel like I'm trapped in the bottom of a well with no way out, and as time goes on I'm actually sinking deeper and deeper in instead.
Comment by Ballblamburglurblrbl at 18/02/2025 at 15:18 UTC
9 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Ehhhh 4.5/10. I've still been worse
Got back on Bumble and Hinge. Couple of matches on the first few days, followed by very little. I think I was, maybe, subconsciously expecting things to be better than when I first tried it back in (fuck) 2020. Better pics, better place in life, better hygiene, better mentality, I'm just a better person than I was back then. Still not good enough. Fuck. FUCK.
Oof, not good for my brain. I'm gonna die alone goddammit
Anyway, got a new job in my field after graduating, and it's my first time working full time. Wasn't my intention, but a job is a job and I'm only on contract for a few weeks, so I figured "why not?" And things are going well, overall. The way I'm handling things is good, the work is... a lot, manageable and not overly stress or anxiety-inducing. I'm *really* looking forward to getting my first paycheck, too.
It's up and down, but at the end of the day I'm still not quite happy. This was supposed to be the goal? I was expecting things to be better, things are just the same but busier. J'm eating bad because I want to treat myself after a long day of work, I'm working out less for the same reasons.
What the fuck do I even want? More than once I've toyed with the idea of going to see an escort (legal and regulated here, so I can keep the exploitation to a minimum) or just caving in and telling me parents that they can get me an arranged marriage (fraught for a whole other range of reasons, but I've seen it work out okay for some people).
Look at all this garbage, why the fuck would *anyone* want to be with all this, eh? Fuck.
I guess I just need to figure out how to live well while also working so much, because just working isn't good enough, and working + being my usual lazy self seems to be a formula for depression.
Comment by fl0w0er_boy at 19/02/2025 at 18:41 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I'm failing so hard in my university on my economics essays, I have severe executive dysfunction issues since school and now starting university I actually need to put in a lot of work. School was already hard, because I had those issues since my childhood but could somehow compensate for them exceptionally and finished school with good grades and without really studying. I have goals in life but undiagnosed mental illness has cost me so much.
Comment by rollingkas at 21/02/2025 at 14:45 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
No a tuesday, but suffering now. Made emotional decision and quit venlafaxine because it wasnt helping me, now whitdrawal effects hit me like a train, im both irritable and emotionally sensitive :/
Comment by Xemnas81 at 21/02/2025 at 20:54 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I'm struggling a bit with realising that being a good person means often being comfortable with non-reciprocity. My friend and partner are vulnerable (both trans) and I feel like I've issues which must be addressed on outer rims of the 'circle of grief'. While my friend is (emphatically!) vocal about their oppression and bid for support, my partner (LDR German) isn't really opening up about it, is withdrawing, and gets frustrated when I don't get it (re: German election this weekend). So on the one hand I feel I'm having to take a lot on the chin re: getting schooled as their class and social consciousness develops with my friend; and on the other I don't know how to help with my partner. It's ironic that all 3 of us are heavily politicised and immersed in the news cycle, when I wonder if a better antidote for them would be if I were a little out of it and could provide the funnies and light hearted stuff. But damn it's hard to hide my own fear sometimes, given my own vulnerabilities.
Comment by GraveRoller at 18/02/2025 at 19:12 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Something that’s always brought me peace is remembering that people have no inherent value. Caring about others and things is ultimately (mostly) a choice and our actions are our own and others’ actions are their own. We are owed nothing and deserve nothing.