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View submission: How Men Become Aziz Ansari
In Kink subcultures, we also talk about "Consent Injuries" as a space between Consensual and Consent Violations. Usually, it's when someone doesn't realize there's a line they don't want to cross, and it ends up crossed during a scene; sometimes it happens when one party doesn't communicate their needs or boundaries clearly enough, and they end up crossed, or when someone misunderstands where the line is.
I think *this* framework is a helpful place to begin, but I also think it doesn't cover behavior like Aziz exhibited- he clearly engaged in behavior I would call a Consent Violation. But that level of nuance is something important to think about.
I have an ex who at one point during our relationship, hit me during an argument. However, they weren't abusive; they had a mental health collapse and smacked me when I was moving to step out of their apartment for a little bit and de-escalate the argument we were having. This was a huge trauma trigger for me, and my ex knew that, and I spent an hour crying afterwards. They apologized, but it severely rocked my ability to trust that I'd be safe around them when they had mental health spirals, and eventually led to me cutting them completely out of my life.
How do you handle this situation? What does restitution and accountability look like? How do you have these discussions in complicated situations? Our societal understanding of violence like this or like Aziz committed (because coercive behavior on dates is Violent) is messy, and based around a carceral and punitive idea of justice, instead of doing what the victim actually wants and needs for their safety. Shit is frustrating, and it's why I believe in Restorative justice first.
There's nothing here!