59 upvotes, 2 direct replies (showing 2)
Anecdotally, my wife is reaching out to a vague friend we met at a dog-breed specific Meetup 5 years ago during pregnancy. She speaks to at least 3 close friends daily.
One of my close friend of many years is only now reaching out sporadically via memes as he became a father last year.
Girls do chat a lot. And they put in the effort to maintain these connections.
All of my old friends live in different cities now so it's hard to catch up with them in person.
I met a guy at the hospital, having a kid within days of ourselves. We were similar in circumstances, and he was a relatively recent migrant to the city, so, being mindful of all of these issues for men and thinking he may also not have that many guy friends, I took the steps to get his number and message him. I messaged a few times, and we've chatted briefly, but I'm not getting anything back (either because he's not interested, or doesn't see the value). I can't prop up a male-male relationship with just one sided work so maybe I'll message him again in about 9 months, which is about as often as some of my closest friends reach out, or are reached out too.
Comment by CherimoyaChump at 15/02/2025 at 00:16 UTC
32 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Anecdotally, my wife is reaching out to a vague friend we met at a dog-breed specific Meetup 5 years ago during pregnancy.
I've gotta say - I think the different ways that male strangers and female strangers are treated by default plays into this. I have a mild fear of appearing creepy that sometimes stops me from reaching out to old or distant friends/acquaintances. And sure, that's partly a personal issue that I can and do work on. But I think it's compounded by society too. Men are more likely to be perceived as creepy than women for similar behaviors.
Comment by Atlasatlastatleast at 14/02/2025 at 20:00 UTC
35 upvotes, 2 direct replies
I've seen many comments like this.
Anecdotally, I do some of the exact same stuff; despite knowing about this whole issue very acutely, being someone who tries to change what is "normal" if "normal" is maladaptive, I fall into these exact same patterns sometimes. I don't know why sometimes I'm so avoidant.
Last year, I went through a breakup, lost my job, lost my dog, and was in a hit and run (I love my car). That's like 4 9/11's in country music. And yet, I didn't tell my best friend any of this until last month at a bachelor party. I really don't know why.
If i had to speculate: I think it's because I always feel like a burden when I ask anyone to hold emotions, and I feel shame for being in the situation in the first place. Communicating about it doesn't change the situation, and I don't believe talking about it will make me feel any better. It's just sharing sadness, and why do that?
Knowing I probably shouldn't do that, but feeling no other way is actually more ideal. It's tough.
I don't believe I have Avoidant Personality Disorder, but this got me wondering how many men have it or similar personality disorders. The only one I ever see people talking about regarding men is Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Anyway, I encourage you to keep trying and fighting that good fight, and I hope your endeavors are more fruitful.