149 upvotes, 8 direct replies (showing 8)
I wanted to post this here because I see the male loneliness epidemic come up in discussions across this site very often. I rarely see data that corroborates the claims, it's often just speculation. The survey that I saw a couple years ago when I first heard about this was this one[1]. Both that survey, and the pew survey linked in this post, lead me to believe that there aren't significant differences in loneliness between genders. Where there are differences, men may experience slightly more loneliness (the reasons for which are discussed ad nauseam), but I'm not sure if it should be called an epidemic. Especially because there really isn't much data on it, it seems like "male loneliness epidemic" has become somewhat of a joke in some circles, with some women feeling like men are blaming them for it, and popular youtubers making videos joking about it[2]. What do y'all think? Is there an male loneliness epidemic? Has the term become more of a joke than anything else?
1: https://www.americansurveycenter.org/why-mens-social-circles-are-shrinking/
2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iILBvdlQEJg
Comment by gelatinskootz at 14/02/2025 at 20:19 UTC
116 upvotes, 3 direct replies
I would say that there is a loneliness epidemic for everybody that manifests differently in men and women. That's why I think framing it as the "male loneliness epidemic" is a little counterproductive. But I also think brushing it off or saying it doesn't exist is counterproductive, since I think there is a lot to talk about in how it impacts genders differently. Arguing over whether it impacts men or women more or is just talking in circles around a very real and important issue that we should all be invested in solving for everybody
Comment by TangerineX at 14/02/2025 at 19:59 UTC
98 upvotes, 2 direct replies
I think the "male loneliness epidemic" has a bit to do with public perception. Loneliness in men is often used interchangably with being desperately single, whereas the feeling of loneliness is a much boarder term. If you separate loneliness into "feeling lonely due to lack of a romantic partner" and "other", I think you'll find this much more in common with men, than it is with women. For many different factors.
1. A lot of men derive their own sources of social interaction, emotional support, as well as sense of well being from their partner. There's plenty of studies showing this, as well as writings on how women take up the brunt of emotional labor in society, and studies showing that women typically have more close friends than men.
2. Social perception of women for romantic relationships in todays world is that if a woman is "lonely" and wants a relationship, there are a mountain of men waiting to entertain them, whereas what I hear from women is the lack of respectfulness and genuineness they get from their dates. The perception is that men just want companionship of any type, whereas women struggle to find quality companionship. Some view this difference in mentality as a problem for men, and relatively, a privilege or entitlement for women, as a plea for diverting more help towards men. Realistically, loneliness is something we should mitigate for both sexes. I think that if men were to have an equal ease of getting responses, they too will begin to yearn for a higher quality of relationships as well.
3. Young men are far more likely to be single than young women. Older women are more likely to be widowed than men. This is most easily explained by how women have longer life expectancy, and how men are most likely older than the women they marry. When we think of the loneliness epidemic, we mostly apply this to the young generation, and don't take into account the loneliness felt by our elders. Amongst young people, there certainly is a gap between men and women in terms of who is more likely to have a partner.
Comment by settheory8 at 16/02/2025 at 19:09 UTC
12 upvotes, 0 direct replies
In the internet spaces I've come across I haven't seen it treated as a joke, but I have seen it treated as something that is men's fault:
"men aren't putting in effort for friendships, and then they're wondering why they don't have any friends!"
"Men think friendship is gay, and then they're wondering why they don't have any friends!"
"Men are so racist/sexist/homophobic/etc, and then they're wondering why no one wants to be friends with them!"
"Men are used to having women organize their social connections for them, and now that that's not happening anymore, they don't know how to make friends!"
All of these things are true for a very specific subset of people, but I don't think they're true for the majority of lonely men, and it makes me so angry seeing male loneliness brushed off as a "skill issue" that men could easily solve if they wanted to
Comment by WirelessZombie at 15/02/2025 at 07:35 UTC*
11 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I'm confused at your framing. You linked an article that shows men today as having a *1.5x* higher rate of having no close friends when compared to women, and a 5x increase of that situation since 1990. Lower rates at all levels for friendship numbers. Men not using or having support networks.
That is both significant evidence towards there being a general loneliness problem, and evidence that it is gendered, and getting worse. The definition of "epidemic" aside I'm confused at the skepticism.
it seems like "male loneliness epidemic" has become somewhat of a joke in some circles
Being charitable the "joke" is often about how misogynistic/toxic/hypocritical people who bring attention to the issue can be. For those who genuinely are mocking the concept that says a lot more about those circles than it does the issue.
Comment by VimesTime at 14/02/2025 at 19:54 UTC*
19 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Haha, I immediately went and looked up the American Survey Centre link in my own past comments before realizing that your already linked it. Given that you did, im curious what led you to conclude there arent any significant differences.
Like, even with this new survey, they say in the summary that men and women have no difference in reported numbers of close friends, but when you dig into the data (in the "topline" section of the "how we did this" panel), there *is* a notable difference, both in the number of men who report having no close friends and the number who report only having one.
Not counting your family, do you have any close friends? (Men/Women)
Yes, one. 15/20
Yes, more than one 65/62
No 20/17
No answer * /1
All of those numbers are percentages.
Like, it's certainly less than the ASC survey, but that may also come from the difference in the type of questions, and general framing, considering that that other survey asked people to actually granularly break down the specific *number* of close friends they have, which might alter how people think about who counts as a truly close friend.
Like. Those aren't necessarily large percentage differences, but they are large numbers of people when applied to the American population. Even with these smaller gaps, three percent more men who have no close friends vs. women is, in hard numbers, an additional *five million totally isolated men*. It's also worth noting that that the datapoint i quoted above is an aggregate that isn't broken down by age cohort, and when it is, as in the ASC study, they note that men under thirty who report having no close friends is hovering more around 28 percent.
Like, I personally lean towards the interpretation that things are bad for everyone, so as a result people are particularly unlikely to care about it being worse for a particular group they aren't part of. That's sometimes due to it being viewed as "self inflicted" due to being a component of masculine socialization (and people being unable or unwilling to delineate between men as a demographic and patriarchy as a sociological force), and other times it's because people worry about it being weaponized against women by men who think the cure for that loneliness is women being forced to date them.
But it is a real issue, even as found by both studies you quoted, (even if one doesn't frame it that way unless you dig into the actual data) and I think it is worth caring about and taking steps to remedy. It's just become regrettably politicized, so that's unlikely to happen.
(Edit: holy damn Reddit absolutely mangled that table, so I have done what I can to make it readable)
Comment by -Kalos at 14/02/2025 at 21:24 UTC
9 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I think it’s a “lots of people are lonely in general” epidemic. More people go online to socialize than they do in real life, that’s just our new reality
Comment by [deleted] at 14/02/2025 at 18:50 UTC
14 upvotes, 0 direct replies
[removed]
Comment by Intelligent-You983 at 20/02/2025 at 11:19 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
People have been writing about the disappearance of male social networks and activities for at least a decade using the death of bowling leagues etc and limited friend circles as an example. Combine that with small or no support systems, toxic masculinity culture whether or not said male wants it , general increase in social isolation, and possible romantic isolation; you have a hot bed for a unique form of loneliness. Though I really think isolation would be a more apt word.