4 upvotes, 1 direct replies (showing 1)
View submission: Weekly Free Talk Friday Thread!
I am a 20 year old short man (5'4") and recently I have been wearing boots, thick converses and platform shoes. I also add insoles inside. They boost me to roughly 5'8" in public which is average height where I live and I feel so much more confident. I also notice the difference in how people talk to me and how women see me (although folks 6 feet and above are revered and desired even more so). I've been told that long term use of insoles can cause issues, is this true? Should I stop wearing them? I hate being perceived as the manlet that I am. I feel shame when I leave my house without my lifts. I sometimes wonder that if I move to a western country where people are taller, I'll only ever be seen as a short person. Never more. I feel like lifts and elevator shoes are the only way I could remedy that, albeit only a tad bit as I'm still short with them on.
I've considered undergoing limb lengthening surgery too but it seems rather debilitating. I also don't have enough money for it. I just hate the way I'm perceived due to my height. When I imagine an idealised image of myself, I imagine him to be much taller than what I actually am. I feel like if I were taller I'd be so attractive too. I've been told I have a nice face and a nice body however my height leaves a lot to be desired. If only I were taller, I'd be very desirable but because I'm short, nobody likes me.
Such thoughts hit me quite often. Lifts help placate them when I'm out in public. I wonder whether I should continue wearing them, I've only been wearing them for a month or so (after I broke up with my partner, they got angry with me and said a few mean words about my height after I broke up with them) but the difference is very visible. In my experience, people have been more respectful and taken me more seriously and I'm now within the "acceptable dating height" of many women but then again, I also can't wear lifts 24*7, especially not inside my house and I've heard they can cause mobility issues and even arthritis. I talked to my best friend about this and she told me that I should hang out with her one of these days without the lifts as a practice to get used to the idea of not wearing them but idk. I feel disgust and fear at the idea of being seen as that again. I know it's irrational but yeah, that is how I feel
What do I do? Should I stop wearing them? Please advise me. Are lifts a safe way to escape shortness or can they actually be dangerous? Is it true that they can cause joint problems and even arthritis or is that exaggerated by the internet?
Comment by greyfox92404 at 14/02/2025 at 23:07 UTC*
5 upvotes, 2 direct replies
A couple things real quick. I know that you're using this term for yourself, manlet, but it's rude to yourself. It's demeaning to you as a person and I think we talk about ourself matters.
I'm 5'6. And I think you should ditch the lifts.
Like, I get it. Being short is it's own barrier but lifts don't actually address the lingering insecurity that can haunt us. Try to find a way to own your height because otherwise we'll be short *and* insecure. Any person in a meaningful relationship with us is going to notice 4" platforms.
It becomes like, Greyfox never goes swimming, plays pickleball, for a hike, wears shorts or all kinds of normal things because we have to upkeep this illusion that we're 5'8.
So what it does is it creates a barrier between how you want to appear as 5'8 and who you are as 5'4 without the lifts. That can create tension in a LOT of ways we may not always understand in the moment.
I also want to introduce the idea that it may not just be the lifts that explains the difference in how people see you. I think people often adopt how we see ourselves. Height plays a part sure, I get that. But I think confidence plays a bigger part. Are people seeing you different because you're taller or just more confident while wearing lifts? Can we build up that confidence without lifts that might damage your gait?
The truth is that I think the lifts feed our insecurities more than they help. And a deep insecurity about our own body is so much more likely to be a barrier to healthy relationships than 4".
Edit: You deserve to feel good about yourself. Feel that.