https://www.reddit.com/r/MensLib/comments/1ip40fi/weekly_free_talk_friday_thread/
created by MLModBot on 14/02/2025 at 06:00 UTC
7 upvotes, 19 top-level comments (showing 19)
Welcome to our weekly Free Talk Friday thread! Feel free to discuss anything on your mind, issues you may be dealing with, how your week has been, cool new music or tv shows, school, work, sports, anything!
We will still have a few rules:
We have an active slack channel! It's like IRC but better. Please modmail us if you would like an invitation. As a reminder, take a look at our resources wiki[1] if you need additional support as well.
1: https://www.reddit.com/r/MensLib/wiki/sidebar/resources_for_men
Comment by AutoModerator at 14/02/2025 at 06:00 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Happy Friday Everybody!
We're currently on the lookout for new moderators. If you're interested, message us here[1], to express your interest. In looking at applications, we value diversity of identity and perspective, past experience working with a team and/or moderating a discussion group, and anything else that might set you apart as a potential teammate, so please feel free to provide as much detail as you're comfortable with giving us. (All moderator applications are 100% anonymous.)
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Comment by LookOutItsLiuBei at 14/02/2025 at 17:09 UTC
9 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Just started playing Helldivers 2 recently and now my two cousins, my brother and I play at least once a week. It's just like when we were kids playing in front of a console again except with far more explosions. We don't care about balance, don't give a shit about meta builds, or optimum gaming and it's unbelievably fun.
I used to be a huge proponent of eSports but honestly, the competitive scene has kinda sucked all the fun out of gaming.
Comment by aftertheradar at 15/02/2025 at 17:10 UTC
8 upvotes, 3 direct replies
hey I'm looking for a progressive pro-feminist podcast that discusses men's issues fairly and accurately. Most of the stuff that comes up when searching for podcasts about men's issues is alt right cryptonazi misogynist trash, but i wanted to see if there was something that does it while neither minimizing nor centering women's issues.
Comment by StrangeBid7233 at 15/02/2025 at 17:11 UTC
7 upvotes, 0 direct replies
It's funny how I adored valentines day when I was in relationship as I found it kinda fun, I loved planning how to surprise my girlfriend and give her most romantic and dorky valentines day (not that I needed it to be a special day, loved doing that randomly also as I believed that a girl deserves to be reminded how much I loved her and I did really enjoy that little smile when I would plan something romantic).
But when I'm single I fucking hate it, it's like a day that reminds me I'm getting up there with years and how much I have been struggling romantically, while all my friends are talking about their plans with their SOs.
On another note went to another escape room with my friends, it's super fun and I love seeing how much they like it, but I feel super useless there.
Comment by Thermawrench at 14/02/2025 at 07:10 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
It feels everything in the world is going to shit. The economy (or just capitalism being capitalism), the environment and people voting for right-wing parties (who will in turn fuck them over) and right-wing idiocy which hurts everyone. I'm also sick to death of Russia.
It's all so tiresome.
Comment by denanon92 at 15/02/2025 at 09:09 UTC
8 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I try not to think about it too much but it's frightening how fast some of Trump admin's orders are affecting the US. Like today I heard RFK (Trump's secretary of health) is examining the threat posed by the prescription of SSRIs and other psychiatric medications. To be blunt, I am alive because I take anti-depressants on a daily basis. I am furious that a president can put in place someone who is threatening to take away the essential medications of millions of Americans. Like, am I going to have to stockpile this stuff? And like other far right politicians, he's pushing the notion that these medications are overprescribed and that people just need to toughen up more, which is only going to make the mental health crisis worse. MAGA claims that depression is only increasing because of wokeness and coddling, but they forget that for decades most men learned to suppress their emotions through destructive habits and behaviors like drinking or lashing out at family members. They also conveniently forget that people who struggled with these conditions often were ignored, put into mental institutions, or ended their own lives. They have this awful rose-tinted view of the past that is threatening to tear down all the protections and institutions we've made to help Americans in the past few decades.
Comment by chemguy216 at 14/02/2025 at 14:29 UTC
4 upvotes, 1 direct replies
This week, I saw a video from the wonderful Matt Baume who often does video content that examines interesting cultural moments in US LGBTQ history. He did video on Pedro Zamora[1], who had a lot of cultural impact as openly gay and openly HIV positive man back when he was on MTV’s The Real World.
1: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pedro_Zamora
I had heard of Pedro before and knew a bit about his cultural influence because of his time on The Real World, but Baume does a wonderful job of going into Pedro’s life that I had not yet seen prior to then. Pedro was a truly inspirational person and a glorious human being, and like so many of my predecessors, he was another life lost to the AIDS epidemic.
If anyone wants to watch the Matt Baume video, I’ll link[2] it. It is over an hour long, so do with that information what you will.
2: https://youtu.be/o2Le9Bf_s3w?si=sPdBLJIuWXeLhgFq
Comment by OrlandoInTheArden at 16/02/2025 at 03:41 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
A while back my vintage-dealing mother gave me an old issue of Playboy from 1972. Being curious, I finally read it cover-to-cover and found myself surprised at enjoying the content it provided. Based on this issue alone, I suppose that if I had been an American boomer in my prime, I would have had a subscription. It is quite remarkable how professional and packed to the rafters it is with content. The editorial team is just massive and it shows. The photography is great, the articles entertaining and the fiction contributions decent enough. It was great money for value too. At the time of publication, the magazine cost 1 usd, which adjusted for inflation is about 7,5 usd now. Not too much considering what you get.
Of course, Playboy, was a mainstream publication, it is steeped in this liberal ideology that caters to the mass of people who aspired to a comfortable bourgeois lifestyle that the American Dream represented. What I mean is that it had this off-putting 'luxe'-ness that connects it to awful modern day magazines like GQ. But I do get the impression that even working-class men read Playboy.
Comment by Pyrothecat at 14/02/2025 at 06:19 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Hope you guys have a good valentines ahead!
Comment by Ecstatic-Frame6066 at 14/02/2025 at 22:49 UTC
5 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I am a 20 year old short man (5'4") and recently I have been wearing boots, thick converses and platform shoes. I also add insoles inside. They boost me to roughly 5'8" in public which is average height where I live and I feel so much more confident. I also notice the difference in how people talk to me and how women see me (although folks 6 feet and above are revered and desired even more so). I've been told that long term use of insoles can cause issues, is this true? Should I stop wearing them? I hate being perceived as the manlet that I am. I feel shame when I leave my house without my lifts. I sometimes wonder that if I move to a western country where people are taller, I'll only ever be seen as a short person. Never more. I feel like lifts and elevator shoes are the only way I could remedy that, albeit only a tad bit as I'm still short with them on.
I've considered undergoing limb lengthening surgery too but it seems rather debilitating. I also don't have enough money for it. I just hate the way I'm perceived due to my height. When I imagine an idealised image of myself, I imagine him to be much taller than what I actually am. I feel like if I were taller I'd be so attractive too. I've been told I have a nice face and a nice body however my height leaves a lot to be desired. If only I were taller, I'd be very desirable but because I'm short, nobody likes me.
Such thoughts hit me quite often. Lifts help placate them when I'm out in public. I wonder whether I should continue wearing them, I've only been wearing them for a month or so (after I broke up with my partner, they got angry with me and said a few mean words about my height after I broke up with them) but the difference is very visible. In my experience, people have been more respectful and taken me more seriously and I'm now within the "acceptable dating height" of many women but then again, I also can't wear lifts 24*7, especially not inside my house and I've heard they can cause mobility issues and even arthritis. I talked to my best friend about this and she told me that I should hang out with her one of these days without the lifts as a practice to get used to the idea of not wearing them but idk. I feel disgust and fear at the idea of being seen as that again. I know it's irrational but yeah, that is how I feel
What do I do? Should I stop wearing them? Please advise me. Are lifts a safe way to escape shortness or can they actually be dangerous? Is it true that they can cause joint problems and even arthritis or is that exaggerated by the internet?
Comment by [deleted] at 15/02/2025 at 01:02 UTC*
4 upvotes, 1 direct replies
[deleted]
Comment by Oregon_Jones111 at 16/02/2025 at 16:05 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Are women generally afraid of stranger men in general, or just those who throw up red flags?
Comment by Oregon_Jones111 at 14/02/2025 at 07:27 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I like how open film critic Mark Kermode is about crying to movies.
Comment by kplis at 14/02/2025 at 13:59 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Where I used to live, there were a few great examples of community for me that I am currently missing after having to move. I'm hoping to be able to recreate them here, but it's tough.
The one I miss most was a Pinball Co-op. It was a high cost of living area with very small apartments, so a bunch of people who loved pinball gathered up their machines and rented a space in a warehouse. $10 to get in and every machine was on free play, BYOB with fridges in the back. They ran leagues and tournaments as well, and Wednesday night was league night at the co-op. It was great getting to know all these different people from different walks of life and different generations just getting together to enjoy a pretty silly hobby. Unfortunately tough to get going on my own as Pinball machines are stupid expensive, and it's hard to find people in my area who may own them and be interested in helping out.
The other one was a group called Dad Guild, that was ran by maybe the kindest person I have ever met. It was just a group organizing activities for Dads and their kids. There would be dads night out events to blow off steam, book clubs on parenting books, Dad and kid events to get everyone out, park play groups, etc. all while also talking about the importance that a father can play in a child's life, and stressing that it is a father's role to be present and active with their kid. This one seems more feasible to start up locally, and hopefully I can get that going this summer.
It's tough with being overwhelmed in every aspect of my life, but I'm trying to remind myself of the importance of community in our lives. Also tough because I no longer live in an area that shares many of my values, so building bridges into the community can be tough and intimidating, and I feel the desire to retreat and isolate instead
I guess I'm rambling and should end with a question to see if there's discussion (although I don't mind shouting to the void as well). What ways do y'all find to connect and build local communities?
Comment by Emotional_Evidence31 at 17/02/2025 at 18:52 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I recently started reading Bell Hooks and I'm thinking now about starting a radical healing collective for men on my campus! My idea is to create this community where men can start dismantling patriarchal ideas and discuss these things safely by having educational discussions and film screenings and support group type meetings. Please let me know what y'all think
Comment by Ok-Blueberry8627 at 21/02/2025 at 21:31 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I’m going to be 45 in a couple of months and I’m starting to feel like I don’t know who the hell I am. I’m totally lost. I grew up without a father and it’s affected me a lot. I want to be the man that he never taught me how to be but I don’t know how to do that. I have an amazing wife who loves me and I just feel totally inadequate and not deserving of her. How do I get out of this? How do I become a man that I can be proud to be? How do I become a man deserving of a wife as amazing as mine?
Comment by GraveRoller at 14/02/2025 at 19:33 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Reading the Esquire article about talking to young guys posted this week is very much affirming my personal view that people, especially men (due to circumstance vs genetics), generally **like** hierarchy. They like the totem pole and knowing where they stand and being above someone. It doesn’t necessarily need to be structured, but they like having an idea of where they stand. What they hate is feeling like they’re on the decline.
And people wanting to overturn the concept of hierarchy are incredibly naive and usually lack ambition. Which is ironic because the only way to undo a system from the inside is to actually climb the ladder and establish yourself in the hierarchy
Comment by Shaposhnikovsky227 at 14/02/2025 at 13:20 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
My sexual brain made me masturbate without my logical brain's consent. I didn't even know that could happen.
Comment by spacelanterned at 14/02/2025 at 17:33 UTC
1 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Okay, mods said I should put this here so:
What's with straight guys assaulting other guys as part of "bro culture"
l'm gonna type out my full thoughts here, but I'd like the guys on here to add in with their thoughts because l'm curious as to whether this resonates or is an accurate read of what's going on. This is more thinking out loud than like, a thought out essay. I've never been a part of all male spaces as I'm AFAB nonbinary but every now and again hear of straight guy hazing or joking around that reads to me as sexual assault. Doing sexual things as part of hazing rituals, slapping each others asses in sports teams, sack tapping. Fraternities seem the worst, just found out what an elephant walk is.
All these things aren't inherently unconsensual, I guess, but they often seem to be coerced as part of hazing or done jokingly to annoy someone. The undercurrent to these things seems to be making a joke or getting some sort of enjoyment out of making someone uncomfortable or submit to your embarrassment of them. Which seems to be an extension of the general tendancy for men to make fun of each other as bonding, which can be friendly teasing sure, but often strays past those boundaries into being too personal just for the sake of embarrassing someone and there's no acceptable way to ask someone to back off because showing you're bothered makes you weak. Toxic male social relations seem to be terrified of sincerity and vulnerability and any attempt to show those things will get you shunned so there's no real way to assert boundaries or consent at all, and this bullying that the consentless culture allows seems to allow some men to get to feel dominant and powerful at the expense of other men.