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View submission: [L] Compulsive liar ready to do better
I haven’t suffered from the compulsion to lie myself, but I have known a few people who did. And I do suffer from OCD, now in remission thankfully, so I can relate to the “compulsion” part at least. But as for my friends in high school who did it, perhaps it might make you feel a little better to know that while the rest of us definitely did catch onto the lies, we didn’t really dislike the person over it. It was more of an eye-roll sort of thing, and we just kind of accepted it as how they are. Even back then, I realized that it had to be stemming from some deep insecurities as well, and I had empathy for that, as I believe most people do. It’s absolutely wonderful that your partner is supporting you.
I’m sorry you’re having a tough time, but you sound VERY self aware about why you’ve been lying, and that’s huge. Sounds to me like there’s not only hope that you’ll get better, it’s imminent. You’re already on the path. Therapy will help you *tremendously*, assuming you find the right one who specializes in such things. Being completely honest with another person is difficult, but so is being honest with ourselves. I had to admit some things to my own self during therapy that were embarrassing and made me feel stupid, but that’s all part of it. And whatever you have to tell your therapist, just know that they’ve likely heard it all, especially if they’ve been practicing for a while. I can’t tell you how many times I told mine about things that I thought were shockingly shameful only for her to just shrug and be like, “you know, that’s pretty common.” Keep in mind that these people hear things every day that people would never say anywhere else. Not to their friends, not online anonymously, maybe not even to their own journal. It’s pretty hard to surprise a good therapist.
The number one thing I’d advise you to do going forward is *always* believe you can get better. Because you can. The human psyche is astonishing in its malleability. Assuming you don’t have any kind of physical brain damage or something, you can pretty much always change how you think about and perceive things, in time. You’ve got this! And if you ever want someone anonymous to talk to outside of therapy, you can always shoot me a dm :)
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