https://www.reddit.com/r/KindVoice/comments/1ig1906/l_compulsive_liar_ready_to_do_better/
created by ExcitingCoffee9889 on 02/02/2025 at 16:39 UTC*
3 upvotes, 2 top-level comments (showing 2)
Hello everyone! Like the title says, I (22F) am a compulsive liar who is ready to come clean and do better. As far as I can remember, ever since my early teens I have been making up wild stories or 'facts' about myself which weren't true. It started as just funny stories about things that happened to me that day, which didn't, but did get laughs from people around me. Later, it turned into more 'facts' or 'qualities' about me which I did not even (fully) possess. Many lies were one offs, but I have been lying for a long time about two things in particular: my parents' ethnicity and being vegetarian. The big irony about the latter lie is that I now actually do live as a vegetarian for a while.
I never saw my lies as harmful, as I had convinced myself that I wasn't telling any 'hurtful' lies or lies that 'affected others' in my own eyes, but now I see that hurting my friends' trust is harmful enough on its own. Although, I realise that many of my friends probably do, and always have, suspected that I am telling these lies. About quite a few of the one off lies I have already come clean, and my friends have been really accepting and not really shocked. I am realy grateful for the response they have given me so far, but I have yet to come clean about my two bigger lies and the fact that I clearly have a lying problem. I have told my current partner about all of this, and they have been very supportive and accepting of me as well. I am so infinitely grateful to them and they are honestly the reason I believe there is still good in me. Them and their support is a huge motivation for me to do better, and keep doing better for real this time. No more lies, ever, not even excuses for past lies. I want to be 100% strict and realistic with myself.
Why I did this? I am not fully certain myself. I feel like, as cliche as it sounds, I was chasing after a feeling of attention or belonging which I wasn't receiving at home, as my home situation during my teens was pretty unstable. I don't want to delve into any details on this, as I am not trying to justify my actions or attempting to gain sympathy points in any way. This is my first time in therapy and I haven't discussed the compulsive lying with my therapist yet, as obviously there is a lot in my childhood to work through and to be honest I am still gathering the courage to air out the worst of my lies. I feel like there are so many other things about me which are really weird as well, making this feel like 'too much'.
I know that in the coming time I will need to come clean about these lies with my therapist and my friends. I am quite nervous at the prospect of having this information about my lying problem 'out there'. I know that it's very possible that people may see me as nothing but a liar, and it hurts that, at the moment, they would be right. I am not writing this because I want sympathy from them, because I am very aware that this is the hole I have dug for myself and people (especially those I have lied to) are entitled to their reactions, whatever they may be. I just want some hope that I can become better. That 'this' doesn't have to be all that I am for the rest of my life/I will never be trusted again. Regardless, I am going to do better because keeping up with the lies is not an option. At the moment though, it is weighing on me quite heavily and any advice is welcome. How can I really do and become better? Is there anyone who has been through something like this and can share any insights? Am I as doomed as I feel I am?
Kind regards
Comment by AutoModerator at 02/02/2025 at 16:39 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
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Comment by [deleted] at 02/02/2025 at 17:56 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I haven’t suffered from the compulsion to lie myself, but I have known a few people who did. And I do suffer from OCD, now in remission thankfully, so I can relate to the “compulsion” part at least. But as for my friends in high school who did it, perhaps it might make you feel a little better to know that while the rest of us definitely did catch onto the lies, we didn’t really dislike the person over it. It was more of an eye-roll sort of thing, and we just kind of accepted it as how they are. Even back then, I realized that it had to be stemming from some deep insecurities as well, and I had empathy for that, as I believe most people do. It’s absolutely wonderful that your partner is supporting you.
I’m sorry you’re having a tough time, but you sound VERY self aware about why you’ve been lying, and that’s huge. Sounds to me like there’s not only hope that you’ll get better, it’s imminent. You’re already on the path. Therapy will help you *tremendously*, assuming you find the right one who specializes in such things. Being completely honest with another person is difficult, but so is being honest with ourselves. I had to admit some things to my own self during therapy that were embarrassing and made me feel stupid, but that’s all part of it. And whatever you have to tell your therapist, just know that they’ve likely heard it all, especially if they’ve been practicing for a while. I can’t tell you how many times I told mine about things that I thought were shockingly shameful only for her to just shrug and be like, “you know, that’s pretty common.” Keep in mind that these people hear things every day that people would never say anywhere else. Not to their friends, not online anonymously, maybe not even to their own journal. It’s pretty hard to surprise a good therapist.
The number one thing I’d advise you to do going forward is *always* believe you can get better. Because you can. The human psyche is astonishing in its malleability. Assuming you don’t have any kind of physical brain damage or something, you can pretty much always change how you think about and perceive things, in time. You’ve got this! And if you ever want someone anonymous to talk to outside of therapy, you can always shoot me a dm :)