7 upvotes, 1 direct replies (showing 1)
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A lesbian saying she isn't attracted to trans women is transphobic though.
This is the only statement that confuses me. I guess I'm still not clear on where the line between preference and phobia sits.
If someone says a trans woman isnt a real woman, sure, transphobic. Same with trans men and men. I'm 100% on-board with this.
This to me sounds like preference though. Unless this statement is made with the modifier similar to something about trans women being real women, then I think we might just disagree here. I know that argument happens, and I don't agree with it, but I doubt it's used every single time someone says they're not attracted to trans men or women.
I understand that there's a lot I don't know, but this sounds similar to something like an ultimatum of: "if you wouldn't date/sleep/be with me because I'm trans then you're transphobic". I don't think that's the intended message, which is why I'm trying to understand this particular aspect. Maybe it is though? Maybe that is what's transphobic now and it just seems....different than what I previously envisioned?
Probably a dumb/insensitive question but there's no malice behind it: Does genital preference not apply to previously existing genitals?
edit: I read your other response as well, thanks. I think my perception of phobia only currently encompasses what I consider "harmful". Either violence, discrimination at work, medical struggles, etc. I never lumped "people choosing not to sleep with/be with someone" in as harmful. I understand that can be considered a form of discrimination, but I also feel like nobody is entitled to another person's attraction and that makes it difficult to wrap my head around this particular concept.
Comment by notunprepared at 13/03/2021 at 02:07 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Thanks for your remarkably thoughtful response.
The ultimatum you mention is a common argument, but not usually by trans people - it's much more often used as a strawman.
For example, I dated a cis man a few years ago, and once we got intimate, he broke it off because I'm transgender and my body just isn't his jam. Which sucked obviously, but that's fair and didn't make him transphobic. If he was to assume every trans person has the same appearance or genital configuration as I do, and discount all trans people on that basis - that'd be transphobia.
Absolutely nobody is entitled to be seen as attractive, or to sleep with anyone else. It's judging a whole demographic based on what one thinks might be in their jeans (or genes haha) is where it becomes transphobia.
For example (and this is a common trans experience) I had an acquaintance once say "if I you weren't trans, I'd totally be attracted to you". He's never seen me naked, so it's just the fact that I am trans that turns him off. That's transphobia.
As to your insensitive question, yeah it doesn't apply. If someone once had a penis, or a vagina and what they currently have is something you enjoy interacting with, and you wouldn't have known if they hadn't told you...why would it matter?