13 upvotes, 1 direct replies (showing 1)
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Thanks for the comprehensive response. Its nobody's obligation to educate other people for free but I appreciate the conversation.
So the main problem seems to be two-fold: the entire movement stems from a place of hatred, and there seems to be an importance attached to the words preference and sexuality that I wasn't aware of.
Does that also mean its probably safe to say that in general, there's nothing inherently bigoted or transphobic about a preference if expressed respectfully? I.E gay men preferring gay men, cis women preferring cis men, or lesbian women who prefer lesbian women? Although with this preference you should probably do some introspection as to why you have that preference.
Comment by mwalker784 at 12/03/2021 at 19:58 UTC
17 upvotes, 0 direct replies
heh, i’m putting off answering a discussion board i don’t feel like doing.
anyways, there is an important distinction between sexuality and preference. a preference usually concerns things that are more “flippant” and not necessarily dealbreakers. for example, i prefer people who like the same music as me. but it’s not a hill i’ll die on. or i prefer people who are funny, but there could theoretically be an unfunny person who i could still fall in love with.
sexuality defines WHO you are attracted to. i am bisexual, and my experience is different, but being gay or being straight is something that is inherent and unchangeable. for 100% straight men, there is no man charming, beautiful, or entertaining enough that you would consider perusing a romantic or sexual relationship with. there is no changing it, no matter what.
i think preference can be stated respectfully, and the real issue comes in when you treat people differently because of said preference. if you prefer skinny women, that is not a pass to treat chubby or fat women like garbage. if a lesbian prefers other lesbians, it’s wrong to treat bisexual women like shit. if a women prefers cis men, that’s not a green light to dehumanize or invalidate trans men.
i, personally, find that expressing preferences that related to marginalized or minority people (ex race) to almost always be done in a distasteful way. for example, a white woman who prefers black or asian men almost always fetishizes them in a creepy way. i think that is why i am usually uncomfortable with people stating their preferences when relating to things like that. i just can’t view “i prefer blue eyes” and “i prefer black men” in the same light because of all the people who make it weird.
but tl;dr, preferences are fine, as long as you are respectful to people who don’t fit the preference, don’t fetishize people who do fit the preference, and don’t treat your preference as a new sexuality. I’m not exactly an expert in this field, but I want to do my best to help others understand why movements like this are damaging to the trans community. and maybe make a few less people fall for 4chan nazi trolls.