3 upvotes, 1 direct replies (showing 1)
View submission: Is Buddhism skeptical of romantic relationships?
Quite a funny thing you are saying, for you are equating the suffering with relationship failing.
Now warning : i am gonna talk about this from a perspective more of a practicioner, rather than of a lay life enjoyer.
So, i dare to say that it´s a problem even if you completely eliminate relationship potentially failing and even deal with the sucesfull one.
It´s not the potential break up or relationship not doing well that i consider to be the big issues.
When it comes to relationships, i see it as being quite entagled with another human being. Likely you are heavily affect them, their karma, and likely they are gonna affect you ( though i dont consider it too important myself, due to my own experience).
So even if you remove yourself from the equation, you still have quite a big effect on your partner. That´s a bit problematic.
Unless the relationship is extraordinary, likely you might find yourself in all kinds of unpleasant situations. Many people often lie to their partner, even when it comes to small lies.
There is also a lot of expectations, reponsibilities, and unless you are honest from the start, you might end up playing a rather dishonest role, which could be quite unfortunate.
Even if that´s not an issue, you might likely end up being attached to other person, which then results in the usual suffering from being afraid of being separated from them, being afraid of relationship failing and such. And just in general its not very pleasant to be attached.
Since you become tied to your partner, you can´t just simply abandon them or anything, as they are likely attached to you. That´s not a pleasant idea, for if things won´t go well for you or them, it will likely be a problem for at least one side.
You also have the risk of pregnancy and such, which can be quite a massive consequences. Not to mention engaing with lust.
There are many other things that could be mentioned.
I am saying that even in rather sucesfull relationships, the negatives far outweighs the positive.
Unless it´s some extraordinary relationship of let´s say two practicioners who are not attached to each other, who support each other and who have most of their stuff dealt with. But both sides have to be at that level - and at that level, you are likely not gonna be too interested in relationships.
Comment by Heavy-Dentist-3530 at 03/02/2025 at 20:54 UTC
1 upvotes, 3 direct replies
I agree with your points.
I understand the positivity of a "successful" relationship (whatever that truly means), but I tend to agree with your perspective: in a relationship, we are always careful not to do anything that might hurt our partner, not to accidentally or unintentionally lie, and to maintain a constant awareness of our actions and words. This requires mental energy, emotional effort, and a level of attachment that could be seen as contradictory to the path of detachment and inner peace.
Yes, it would be great to have a fantastic relationship with someone, and the ups and downs are part of it (at least we all accept this). But my point is: the odds, the stats, are there. The risks and potential for suffering are high, and it's hard to ignore them. With divorce rates and relationship dissatisfaction so common, the chances of experiencing pain and disappointment seem almost inevitable, no matter how carefully we navigate the relationship.
We tend to think that the positive moments or aspects compensate for all the rest. But, to be factual, there are many moments of suffering in the process. For what, exactly? Is it worth the emotional cost? Given these statistics and the inherent risks, are we overvaluing relationships? Are we ignoring the suffering they often bring in pursuit of something that may not be as fulfilling as we hope?