44 upvotes, 2 direct replies (showing 2)
View submission: Do your boyfriends/husbands call themselves feminists?
Some of the most egalitarian, kind-hearted people don't bother with the label, and some of the worst predators make a big show of being "feminists." The real questions are, how he treats women he is not attracted to, how he treats intimate partners, whether or not he is capable of taking responsibility when he does something hurtful to someone, how he responds when he doesn't get his way, how respectful he is when people set boundaries, how he votes, how he responds when other men make sexist/bigoted comments, and how he treats people in general when he perceives them as having less power than him. Any one of those things is a bigger indicator.
Comment by BugMillionaire at 25/01/2025 at 14:39 UTC
7 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This is great point. I knew a few guys who would say they were feminists to make women comfortable with them but didn’t really know/care about what it actually meant. While o understand OPs discomfort with his unwillingness to use the label, I think the real proof is in the actions.
Comment by emlikescereal at 25/01/2025 at 16:22 UTC
8 upvotes, 0 direct replies
tw: lack of consent
Literally there was one guy I slept with who was very public and open about his support for feminism and tackling rape culture and speaking up for women, and then when we got to the bedroom he choked me out the blue without asking / running it by me first. Fortunately I didn't mind it, but it was just bang out of order he didn't even ask me first after chatting about all that!
Meanwhile my partner now would never call himself a feminist, however I would argue he has been more feminist in his actions than any other man I have known. Getting consent with bedroom things for a start, but also being incredibly respectful and supportive about birth control, cleaning up round the house, cooking for me, treating my friends with kindness and respect, supporting my choices career wise etc.
So honestly... I sometimes like to just labels out the window and focus on actions.