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View submission: Do your boyfriends/husbands call themselves feminists?
My husband doesn't like calling himself a feminist because he thinks if he is one, other people should be able to tell by his words and actions. If other people call him a feminist, then mission accomplished. He's known men who engage in harmful sexist behavior who call themselves feminists, so he doesn't think men "owning the label " of feminist has much value on its own. That being said, if someone calls him a feminist his response is "I'm glad you think so," not "I don't like that label." So it seems like your husband has some hangups around this that are probably rooted in his upbringing, as you suggest.
Edit to add: I like my husband's approach because it maintains accountability, and also because it means that men he talks to who would shut down at the word "feminist" get exposed to feminist ideas and engage with them on the merits.
There's nothing here!