11 upvotes, 18 direct replies (showing 18)
View submission: My boyfriend says I’m privileged
I just want to mention that I initiated the relationship with him because I usually date older. But now I do realize how an age gap can definitely create issues.
Honestly, him bringing up me being privileged has made me feel pretty depressed. Some how having parents that love me and created a decent life for me I almost feel sad about. Theres nothing I can change about being privileged except be aware of it and it’s nothing I throw in his face. If anything I try to do anything possible to make his life better..
I’m going to talk to him and see what happens. Although some how every discussion we have I just end up agreeing with him.
Comment by spaceguitar at 06/02/2025 at 05:30 UTC
79 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Your “boyfriend” is **making you depressed over having a loving family and growing up in a stable environment.** He’s actively rooting for the day you face adversity and looks forward to you failing at something. He is giddy over the idea of you struggling!
What are you doing wasting any of your precious time on a person like this?
Comment by Littlepotatoface at 06/02/2025 at 05:41 UTC
17 upvotes, 1 direct replies
From where i’m sitting it’s red flags galore. The 2 big ones are 1) chipping away at you with negative comments 2) he seems like he’s trying to isolate you from your family.
Comment by Select-Ad-9819 at 06/02/2025 at 05:23 UTC
17 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Hey it’s not really so much about who initiated it but more so that he’s almost 50 and acting like someone closer to 18-21. Like there’s no problem with dating older especially at your age. But, being close to 50 with someone almost 30 and showing those behaviors it’s a reason why he’s not with someone older.
Comment by isthisaporno at 06/02/2025 at 05:59 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
It’s not your fault that he experienced trauma. Using the word privileged is just a proxy for saying I’m jealous that my life growing up was tougher than some other people. What does he want for being ‘non-privileged’, a cookie?
Comment by vide0-dr0me at 06/02/2025 at 06:10 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
DUMP HIM. you’ll find someone who loves and supports you back.
Comment by No_Influence_4968 at 06/02/2025 at 06:28 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
What's wrong with being privileged? It's actually a good place to be. I know I'm privileged and so I try to curb my bias and perspective against people who have less than me.
It doesn't need to be a negative thing. Just being aware of your privilege can make you be a better person and not look down on others so quickly.
Just my 2c
Comment by PuzzleheadedEgg4289 at 06/02/2025 at 06:57 UTC
5 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Its almost like he reminds you of how "privileged" you are because of jealousy or resentment on his part that he never got the same opportunities as you.
Having loving parents is nothing to be upset about. My parents didn't give me most of what you received but that doesn't mean I would (nor ever) throw shade your way. No two people walk the same paths in life, some get delt better cards than others...it is the way it is. You are right, you are lucky, and you're very self aware of your blessings. I fail to see the issue of having mutual love and respect between child and parents.
The flags I see here are that he has made it to 46yrs and was still single. Was he ever married or engaged? You also mentioned that with discussions with him you always seem to end up agreeing with him in the end....it kinda sounds like the guy does a lot of mental gynmastics and manipulation with you maybe the appeal to date you was so he could mould you into what he wants in a partner only you know the answer to that.
Im more spicy, right now because I cant sleep...but if he throws my privilege in my face or say stuff about "yeah you should spend time with them now" meaning they're expiring soon...if I were you, I would say so on my day off ____lets check out this nursing home since you're turning 50 soon and you should be put on a waitlist as it can take time to be accepted!
Dont ever allow anyone to make you feel bad about the opportunities you've had, your parents worked hard on giving you a better life than what they had because THEY ARE GOOD PARENTS! Tell the manchild to grow up and stfu with kissy face so he cant get mad 😘
Comment by Pure-Writing-6809 at 06/02/2025 at 05:27 UTC
8 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Just to be clear, not blaming you. And a side eye can settle down if everything’s above board. Brains develop fully around 25, nuerodivergent brains more like 30-32. So it’s just a factor but the younger the youngest person the bigger the factor. IMO a 25 year old and a 19 year old is waaaay worse than 46/30, financially, potentially education, life experience etc.
Your case if you were both the same age, you have a safety net he doesn’t, there’s something there but even then he shouldn’t be battering you with it. It feels like he’s trying to create a dynamic to offset the age difference?
Comment by AmyDeHaWa at 06/02/2025 at 06:10 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
He’s manipulating you and you’re falling for it hook, line and sinker. Don’t let him do that to you.
Comment by laughwithesinners at 06/02/2025 at 06:38 UTC
4 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Just as a reminder I know a lot of age gap couples where the woman becomes a widow a lot sooner and spends the majority of her time as a caretaker for her husband. You might think oh he’s healthy he won’t die anytime soon, well you won’t believe how fast health fails sometimes. If you’re okay with all of that then more power to you
Comment by UtkuOfficial at 06/02/2025 at 06:52 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
It your life so your decision ofcourse. But i would advise over/under 8 years. After 8 there are too many generational differences. It can work, but its much harder compared to similiar age relationships.
Comment by Candy_Sandy1988 at 06/02/2025 at 06:51 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
That's sad
Comment by Cute_Side_93 at 06/02/2025 at 07:43 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
You may date older cos you want a more mature man. He isn’t it! He maybe nearly old enough to be your dad (my dad is 17 years older than me!) but he’s childish af!
Comment by Flashy_Literature43 at 06/02/2025 at 07:24 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
...if you love somebody - you don't tell them they're privileged for coming from a loving household. He sounds jealous and wants to make you feel guilty. He can't give you free time without getting upset like a child?
I'm sorry - but you should find somebody who loves you and wants to create a loving, caring home life️ ❤️
Comment by Amareldys at 06/02/2025 at 07:28 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
There is this weird tendency in modern society to use "privileged" as an insult. And also, to describe a lot of default stuff as being privileged. And then to guilt trip people for not being raised as poor orphans.
You don't sound especially privileged, you sound average. Average is certainly more privileged than badly-off... but it's still... average.
But it doesn't matter, because even if you were the beloved scion of a wealthy family whose parents were still together and used perfect childrearing practices, you wouldn't need to feel guilty.
Comment by lovepeacefakepiano at 06/02/2025 at 13:43 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Just because you started it doesn’t mean you can’t also end it.
Comment by Adventurous_Yak9244 at 06/02/2025 at 18:00 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Op be careful these old men will ruin you life all so you can experience that hardship make sure you’re on birth control. My bff had this happen to her 42yr old bf was nagging her about her age and privilege lifestyle. He purposely got her pregnant by switching condoms claimed he was ready to settle down and become a Dad when she got pregnant at 28. Dude abandon her after two yrs and is a deadbeat Dad.
Comment by Frequency_Traveler at 06/02/2025 at 07:26 UTC*
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I would only tell my Ex she was privileged when she said something that applied to her life and not mine. She would constantly compare her finances to mine even though she was living with her parents rent free. She would say things like, “you don’t know how to save money” meanwhile my expenses at the time were 3500-4k a month and hers were less than 1000. I would remind her that she’s acting like a spoiled brat and that when she decides to leave the nest again, her savings will diminish rapidly.
It sounds to me like you might be saying something that’s triggering him. You’re not taking into account his situation in these conversations. He’ll try not to offend you but if you say things that make you come across as spoiled with no regard for his upbringing in that moment, he will tell you what you’re being.
In my Ex’s case, she was highly deluded with slight psychopathy. She was very difficult to get through to. I ended up having to cut her loose. I don’t know if this is how you act but maybe you should reflect on your role in these interactions.
Don’t listen to the majority of redditors who are quick to blame him. They will end up cat ladies. Don’t be like them. Respect your man. Sounds like he’s had a hard life and he just wants someone to take some of his stress away, not add to it.