Writing feels like an odd thing sometimes, though I suspect it's more me and the way I think that's the problem.
I can write, and at times I even rather like writing. Trouble is, I'm only halfway decent at some types of writing. Other types I just run up against a wall and bounce off. And unfortunately, the type of writing that I'm attempting at the moment is exactly that sort. Not here, I mean the writing that I am trying to do for work at the moment.
I can do big picture waffle. With a modicum of self control, I can even edit that down to be relatively clear and non-waffley. This is good for both work, and dungeons and dragons. It's good for having big ideas, and ranting at the state of the wold.
I can do detail. If nothing else, I consider coding to be little more than detailed writing that then gets interpreted by a machine. I can go a level above that and write halfway decent documentation. I'm not so good at this in writing fiction. For one thing, it's not really needed for dungeons and dragons. For another, what I have in my head for d&d most of the time is worlds, and concepts, not characters. Sure there are entities, people in the world, but they don't really become characters in my head before they bounce off the players. I've got one character that is slowly becoming more than that I think.
Anyway. The writing that I bounce off is the mid-level detail. I know what I want to do work-wise. I need to break that down into project descriptions, grant applications and papers. Breaking a project into chunks - not good at that. Trying to concisely communicate why a project is worthwhile or how it fits with our larger goals - nope.
Or at least, not concisely. And not without help. There's always going to have to be a certain amount of back and forth, review and critique from others. I don't think I would ever want to get to the point where I can rock something out in half a day with no one else having eyes on it. If nothing else, it's not collaborative and not a good way to do science. That aside, it would be good to be able to improve the clarity of ideas in my initial drafts.
The boss has given me a breakdown of how he likes things. I'm trying to incorporate those, along with the Heilmeier catechism guidelines into some initial drafts of a grant - it being the first grant that I've ever actually wanted to write, to lead, and I still can't get the ideas out clearly. I'm going to have a go over the next few days, at taking one part, one thing, and breaking it down according to those guidelines, and then re-building it. Just to see where that takes me.
Still, my frustration is palpable.