author: steve_dracula
Based on the child's reaction to me bellowing "No, *I'M* gonna shit your pants", I'm pretty certain that I have finally mastered parenting.
Secret hint: When trapped in the bathroom, spam your wife with Beavis & Butthead GIFs until she figures out that you need TP for your bunghole.
My wife is refusing to get me additional wives for my birthday.
Ladies Love Shoulder Hair
Cheap entertainment: when talking to. A Car Person, refer to one of the various car fluids as "juice".
I have several children, but zero of them would like their names changed to Igbert Wigbert Pigbert. Parenting is an unending string of disappointments.
Morning earworm: Springtime for Hitler. I hope I don’t start singing it on the train. Or that I do. Whichever is funnier.
It would be cool if the air had less fire in it.
Found a scotch bonnet salsa at the farmer’s market last week. I liked it on its way in, but I do not like it anymore.
Today’s disappointing Spellbinding non-word: helicycle.
Secret hint: the constant evangelizing is why nobody likes evangelicals. It’s right there in the name.
Suspicion: If my wife ever stops speaking, she will instantly die.