Depression mostly. But that doesn't make a good post does it? So what better therapy than going too deep in to my own psyche to figure out just what my problem is.
I have lots of things I want to do, I have a list in fact, but every time I go to start one of them I'm left feeling like someone is holding a gun to my head that will go off if I try to start it. I imagine that it's half decision paralysis, half my parents judging everything I ever do if they see me doing it, and half being scared of failure.
My problems making 150% aside, how to tackle things? To everyone saying "just start" go reread the first sentence of the previous paragraph. Yes yes I know that the most logical thing to do is to just START something even if it's writing one word on a page or watching a video on the thing I want to do, but when I can't even bring myself to do that, it's impossible to know what or how to tackle anything.
The only thing I'm capable of doing right now is my job, which I love don't get me wrong, but not being able to have an outlet because I can't make myself do or enjoy my outlets. isn't great? I end up rotting away playing videogames instead of following my passions. For those worrying that this may make me hate my job, it absolutely won't I love it and the people I work with and honestly I'd love to do more.
So yeah, my current daily cycle is [wake up --> go to the shops if needed --> think about doing any projects before work and end up just watching youtube/playing games --> work --> dinner --> same as pre work --> bed] which WORKS, but I'd much rather be doing something productive. The most I can do is this. which is like, not unproductive I guess?? I don't know?
Anyway I can't do anything that I want to and it's annoying the hell out of me
contact me!: luna@soup3461.com
Atom/RSS Feeds:
https://soup3461.smol.pub/atom.xml
gemini://soup3461.smol.pub/atom.xml
gopher://smol.pub/soup3461/0/atom.xml