I'm depressed these days. As opposed to all of the other days where I'm depressed.
I swear sometimes I feel ok. Sometimes even kinda happy.
I guess?
So yeah, I'm not being efficient at things I want to do. At this point that's my main problem with being depressed.
I've set myself up in a way that I only have one thing that matters to me. A combination of being passionate about my work and hating myself when I talk to others.
So when that one thing goes wrong, and it does that often, I have a limited amount of energy I can throw at it before switching from "going alright" to "I have no goal in life". A few days ago I cancelled my last 3 weeks of work... then ran into another problem immediately - gave up.
Followed a day of roaming around aimlessly.
Except this time, when I found a solution, I did not feel anything about it. Usually it makes me a bit happy, eager to get the low-hanging progress I just unlocked. This time it just removed the stress, without adding the project to my inner todo list.
So I'm in this space of not caring about anything, yet having a clear way forward.
And it's introspection paradise.
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