I've been a bit down on music as a hobby the last couple of months. It's to the point that all of my instruments are cased and in the closet, rather than in their usual place out in the living room. I did this because I wanted to take some time away from it and see if I'd miss it.
I've been reading Atomic Habits by James Clear, lately. I'm not far into it, but one of the things he talks about is how environment plays a huge role in our habits. He uses this to make the point that people with good "discipline" or "self-control" aren't actually all that special, they just set up their environments to have minimal distractions and place the habits they want to cultivate front-and-center.
Boxing up my instruments makes them invisible; it makes me less likely to pick them up and play. It was kind of the point. I'm wondering now if my lack of desire to play when my guitar is out of sight and out of mind is representative of my internal desires, or if it is just removing the environmental cues, as Clear would suggest.
I did pull out the guitar on Tuesday, though. I practiced up a couple of old songs, and went to an open mic. I played, sat and listened to other folks. I didn't have a great time, honestly. And now, the guitar is back in the closet.
I've been considering taking up writing as a hobby, but I can't escape the little voice in the back of my head that is encouraging me to do it because getting better at poetry would improve my songwriting. I still feel that I must improve at everything I do. I can't do it just because.
sigh.