Do you know why I like coming here, Bartender? The upholstery, the wood, the low ceilings. Save for the murmur of conversations and the occasional clink of a glass or scraping of a chair, it’s quiet. This isn’t the case in most establishments any longer. Restaurants have decided to be unbearably noisy in the last decade or so, either for architecturally fashionable reasons or to make it so unpleasant for people to be in the space that they will eat and drink faster, allowing for more ‘turns’ in a night.
We went to a retirement party for one of my wife’s friends at a local Mexican joint. I was actually excited to go, as we only eat out once or twice a year. Alas, it was...well, representative of what our social spaces have turned into. The NIOSH sound level app on her phone showed 89 dBA, and that was before the mariachi band started up. ‘Conversations’ involved shouting and straining to hear the reply. It wasn’t as loud as the nightclubs of my youth, but the vibe was reminiscent of those days.
It’s taken more than half my life to get the point where I’m comfortable stepping away from situations that are unpleasant, rather than miserably plowing through because it’s ‘expected’ of me. I exercised the option that night and bailed even before drinks were ordered. I was sad, as I knew many of the people present and wanted very much to catch up, but the environment was simply not conducive to that sort of thing. My wife stayed and had a decent time, though she expressed regret that communication was difficult.
I imagine a social space designed to encourage human connection. What would it look like? A coffee shop? A campfire? A 19th century English ‘Gentleman’s Club’? A casual sporting or gaming league? I can see these spaces in my mind’s eye, and none of them involve televisions, computers, amplified music, or shouting for anything but joy.
Yeah I really try to avoid any social gathering in a restaurant with more than 4 people total. You can't actually socialize with the whole group anyways, only the people sitting next to you. And as you said, the environment is so noisy and obnoxious.
Much rather be in a park or in someone's backyard.
The "place" is the ephemeral encounter. A cashier, someone you work up the incentive to say "hi" to in places where it might not normally be done, that sort of thing.
"Design" has nothing to do with it. It's all about making an effort in a moment, and loving the fuck out of how well it went in the aftermath.
Do it every possible opportunity, no matter how silly it might seem in the moment. My experience is it goes beyond expectations/anticipation most of the time.
And the times it doesn't amount to learning experiences to perfect it along the way.
SAY "HI!" FOR GODSSAKES!!! ;-)
One thing we don't hear all that much about is how bad our environment is to our hearing. Most elderly people have significant hearing loss, whereas people who live in remote place typically keep a near-perfect hearing until their death, even when they die very old. It's not clear exactly what does that, but our sound environments are terrible.
I heard loud sound in a restaurant is something that gets people to get out faster, thus freeing space for new patrons. So it might be something that will require legislation.
Nothing grinds my gears like a coffeeshop with music that's too loud! If you insist, least put some Kahlua or Bailey's in my cap. Actually, that sounds pretty good now. Bartender...!