I used to play Lineage II MMORPG around age 14. One day, several years after I quit, I got feeling that I missed some fun, and I want to go back, level up dual-sword elf fighter and that will be cool. I remember that anticipation while 4Gb client was downloading, and... No, killing gremlins again and again is no fun at all. I remember that disillusion of how everything looked grey and boring, like it was yesterday.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lineage_II
Five years later or so, history repeats itself. Guild Wars, A/E bone pits farming. Nope, not fun either.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guild_Wars
Two years ago. Esperanto, the planned language of international communication? Yeah, maybe, but I know English well enough to read any of 4.5 millions articles on en.wikipedia.org, so why bother?
Half a year ago. There was blissful time in my life when I was making my living teaching private lessons. Preparing papers for lessons with TeX, using them to teach lessons offline and devoting most of the rest of my life to Debian project. I tried to do it again. Found student. No fun. Online communication tools suck. No, $20/hour is not going to make my living either. And preparing papers with TeX is so time-consuming.
My old papers, if anybody care.
Week ago. Descent into darkness. Once you lower your standards, you have nothing to do. Because both systemd, KDE and GNU Emacs, while being spit in the face of the Unix Way, happen to work most of the time. And it is clearly not reasonable to expect perfection from such monsters.
Fucking GitHub and its shitty issue tracker catering only to graphical web-browsers? Yeah, but once you lower your standards... okay, I'll use browser. But why? There is not much left after I can no longer make myself believe that getting things done "Right", as opposed to getings things done no matter what, matters. Static build of nixpkgs? Uhm, what is wrong with dynamic glibc build, man?
Again and again, world that used to be my home, feels grey and barren. Hey, I didn't plan to get old that soon. :(